LoL Therapy
by OrbitalSmurf
Summary: Even the mighty champions of the league need some therapy every so often. Unfortunately for the therapist things may get a bit out of hand in such a stress filled place. Any feedback is welcome. Enjoy!
1. Welcome to the Institute of War

**Wow longest chapter yet. If you are new to this fanfic this is the 'revised' chapter 1. Please R&amp;R and leave a suggestion for a chapter in a review or pm me. A cookie for TheBosnianWizard who suggested a Syndra chapter. Sorry that it took so long.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own League of Legends nor any of its characters. They are all property of Riot Games.**

Teleportation was not her preferred mode of transport. The trains of Piltover were bumpy at times but they never left a passenger felling like their eyes might explode from their sockets. The past week had been a blur. She had recently responded to a help notice from the Institute of War regarding therapy for their champions. After they accepted her application it had all been a whirl of parties and celebration with her friends. Now she had finally arrived.

"I assume you are the new therapist?" the man who addressed her wore dark purple robes that fell to just below his ankles with a gold trim and carried a clipboard near overflowing with papers. He looked about forty with messy dark hair and a shallow haggard face. "I am Summoner Kole, in charge of staffing for this fine institute." His eyes lit up as he motioned for her to follow him into the hall. "This is the central building, home to the 'zero conflict zone', or as most know it neutral ground. The large doors each lead to the hall designated to a state. Your new office will be in the neutral zone so as to be accessible to all champions." The therapist noted the sharp clicking sound her heels made on the marble floor as Summoner Kole droned on about the functions of each area of the Institute of War. All around them summoners with varying trims on their robes mulled about. If not for the odd attire of the main hall's occupants it would have felt just like home.

"KOLE!" the skinny man winced as a black clad summoner stormed towards them. "KOLE! What the hell is going on? The match was cancled? This is bullshit!" Her guide cringed as the bellicose man barreled through the crowd shoving the other summoners aside as though they were ragdolls.

"Good afternoon to you too Summoner Cobb." 'Summoner' Cobb was a giant of a man clothed in a jet black robe rolled up on the arms to expose biceps laced with scars easily the size of the therapist's head. His face was cloaked in shadows revealing only his glowing blood red eyes. He looked ready to snap the smaller man like a toothpick. "Matches have been canceled due to the introduction of our new therapist."

"Ah, darn shame what happened to the last one." He extended a burly arm to the therapist. "Sorry if I startled you. Today's match was going to settle the Ionia-Noxus boarder disputes. Big matches like that get me a bit riled up." All the therapist could do was nod and try not to keel over from shock.

"This way please, I'll show you too your office now."Kole interrupted nervously with a glance to his hulking colleague. She nodded and followed him as they continued to weave their way through the crowd. "Summoner Cobb is an...interesting case." Kole sputtered once they reached the doors to the dorms and offices. "These are the dorms. Each champion is given two rooms, one here and one in their respective nation's wing. Most of the summoners, myself included, also live here. You will be issued two keys for your room and one for the elevator. Of course in your case you will also be issued a key for your office which is on the sixth floor. Floors two through five are apartments and floor seven is the tribunal." The elevator was a large industrial model like the ones in Piltover high-rises. Its walls were decorated in shining silver and gold giving it the look popular in the wealthy areas of her home city. She took the time to adjust her hair and outfit before meeting her new boss, after all her first impression had to be good. She was in her late twenties with light brown hair tied back in a neat bun and thin glasses perched on her nose. As Summoner Kole directed the therapist to a room numbered 513 he continued to drone on about this and that completely oblivious to the therapist's complete lack of interest.

"This will be your room and your office is just above us in room 613/14. Oh and if you have any questions fell free to ask as you will be reporting to me on a bi-weekly basis." he handed her the keys before hurrying off to attend to important matters(probably not but it made the therapist feel a bit better a bout bieng ditched in a 5th floor hallway).

Her apartment was divided into four general sections and apparently came pre furnished. She placed her small suitcase next to the door before flopping down on the couch. Listening to Kole drone on and on about random things that probably had no real importance combined with her shock early that day and her awful experience with teleportation had really taken it out of her.

* * *

"Morning sleepy." Holy shit there was someone in her apartment. Were they going to kill her? Was this what happened to the last therapist? Oh gods! This is it! What was that on the counter? Holy shit is it a bomb? Or just breakfast, yeah just breakfast.(the therapist was a bit disappointed to be honest) "When they said I would be getting a new roommate I was kind of expecting someone less…normal." Holy shit that woman is floating in midair! The therapist stumbled over her suitcase and ended up much closer to the floor than she would have liked. Then again floating above the floor was not ideal either. "You don't look like a champion or a summoner so you must be the new therapist right? My name's Syndra." The girl slowly lifted her arm righting the therapist and setting her on the ground before lowering herself to the floor as well. Once the therapist had put on her glasses she took in her new roommate. Syndra was wearing a purple t-shirt and well-worn jeans. Her long white hair fell to just below her waist. The tight cloths clung to an hourglass figure that the therapist could only compare to the models she had seen in magazines back in Piltover. Wait did she say Syndra? Syndra the psycho power obsessed mage who destroyed then levitated a temple in Ionia just for the heck of it? Oh shit she was definitely going to die. "Are you ok? You look a bit pale…"

"Um when you said your name was Syndra did you mean…" The young woman looked concerned.

"I guess my reputation is worse than I thought," The therapist swallowed hard. "Oh don't worry I'm over the whole crazy destruction thing. People are more fun when they aren't splattered against a wall. Shit that was probably not the most comforting way to word that." What had she signed up for?

It had been a couple days since she had arrived at the Institute of War and the therapist was feeling much more comfortable with her situation. Syndra was actually pretty normal(by league standards) and the therapist had no appointments scheduled for the first few days so she could get used to the league and some of its more…colorful personalities. Today was her first appointment with a champion named Tryndamere.

* * *

Tryndamere was ready. Finally he would have his vengeance! His opponent slammed his massive blade into the ground and rammed his fists together. The barbarian king rubbed dust on his palms for a better grip then steeled himself for the epic confrontation that was about to commence.

"Tryndamere, my greatest creation."

"This ends here, murderer." His demonic adversary spread his arms in a taunt, blazing red eyes gleaming with anticipation. Aatrox. 'Shyvana is ready to gank if things get ugly' his summoner's voice echoed in his head. He would not need back up. Nor did he want it. Tryndamere roared as Aatrox leapt into the air crashing down like a meteor from hell before smashing the barbarian backwards with waves of dark energy ripping through the ground slowing Tryndamere's movements. Blood trickled from his sides as he lifted his sword again both arms now required to keep the massive blade steady. The forest to his left erupted in flames as the titanic form of the dragoness slammed into the spot where moments ago Aatrox had stood. Damn his summoner was good. 'Summoner Cobb is on his game today' Tryndamere grunted his acknowledgement, hand pressed hard to his side in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"We take him together!" Demacians really were good allies. Tryndamere nodded at Shyvana and launched towards the darkin. Aatrox was strong but surely their combined might could take him out?

Aatrox chuckled softly as the two dashed towards him. 'Easy prey' Cobb's gruff voice boomed in his head serving to further the darkin's amusement. Tryndamere got to him first and the two locked blades opening up the barbarian's wounded stomach for a vicious kick that sent him stumbling back. As Shyvana neared he unleashed a small portion of his power in a concentrated burst drawing in their blood and straining his collected exterior as the added power flowed through him. Summoner Cobb felt the raw strength flowing through the champion's veins as if they were his own. He loved the feeling, it was both freighting and intoxicating at the same time and he would never, for as long as he lived, trade it for anything. Aatrox swatted Tryndamere away as though he was merely an annoying insect that had happened to piss off a shadow bear before closing his armored right fist around the half dragon's throat and hoisting her into the air. Throughout the fight the thing that bothered Tryndamere was not Shyvana's panicked gasping and clawing as Aatrox crushed her wind pipe or the steady river of blood flowing from his chest onto the mossy dirt of the top lane. It was the darkin's face. Throughout the whole fight Aatrox had worn a near perfectly passive, slightly disapproving face. He never even twitched. Not ever. It was as though he wore a mask. That was what scared him, the thought that the Darkin Blade was holding back, that he was barely even trying, that compared to Aatrox Tryndamere was like a baby barely able to grasp his surroundings let alone heft his blade. Tryndamere was only afraid of two things in this world and the dark figure that stood over him, blade poised for the final strike, was decidedly one of them.

The other…the other was too horrific to mention.

* * *

The therapist stumbled through the sixth floor halls struggling to keep the massive pile of paper in semi good order. Although Syndra had helped her move in to the specially designed office space (It really consisted of two rooms, a waiting room and an office where she could see her patients) they had neglected to move the vast amounts of files and paper to the room thus resulting in the backbreaking effort the therapist had put forth before her first appointment. As she sat down in the leather high-backed roller chair, paper stacked haphazardly around her, a sigh of relief escaped her and she decided to maybe put off some of the organization for just a bit so she could take a nap.

* * *

The man seated in front of her shuffled on the couch as the therapist flipped through the file she had received from Summoner Kole as Tryndamere was nearly shoved into the room looking quite stiff and awkward. "Um…why am I here exactly?" The therapist looked up from the files and adjusted her glasses.

"Just a routine appointment. I'll be talking with all of the champions starting today." Tryndamere relaxed a bit but still kept on his guard. Just in case the therapist shared Ashe's penchant for exposure therapy. "So is there anything you would like to discuss?"

"No, not really. I mean I guess I can get a bit angry at times but other than that I'm fine." The therapist frowned slightly. This was not a good start.

"How about you tell me a bit about yourself?" That lightened the freljordian's mood as he began to tell her about himself.

* * *

The Barbarian King cleared his throat before beginning. Growing up in his tribe in the Freljord he had often heard great warriors spin tales of adventure and excitement recounting their heroic deeds. This was going to be fun! Of course all great heroes faced great challenges. Yes he would start with that.

"When I was about twenty or so years of age my tribe prospered in the harshest parts of the Freliord. It was there alongside my brothers and father that I learned to wield my great sword and how to fight in unarmed combat. We were nomads and set up small seasonal camps. It was the winter months when it happened. We had set up camp on a small peninsula near our usual site. My younger brother and I were practicing our sword fighting techniques when the war horns sounded. We had long feared a raid by the Winter's Claw who, unbeknownst to us were embroiled in a mighty power struggle. As our warriors took up arms they were confronted by a lone figure wielding a living blade. My brothers and I rushed to the battle field only to watch our warriors being cleaved apart. Inside the horrendous melee we found our father on his last breath. The three of us surrounded him making sure to place his sword in his hands before he drew his last breath. Then he appeared the lone warrior who had slain our tribe down to the three of us. My oldest brother, Bjorn, in his distress attacked him alone and the monster easily disarmed him then, to our horror, grasped his helmeted head in his right fist and slowly crushed it letting the blood run between his armored claws before tossing his corpse into the icy lake so we could not reunite him with his weapon and send him to his grave. My younger brother and I circled him for what seemed like ages before charging towards him. He swatted me aside then tuned to shatter Floki's sword before tearing his chest open with the same hand that had so easily crushed my older brother's head. As I lay there dying I knew I could not leave my brothers unavenged. I gave in to the rage coursing through my veins and stood to face the monster. He simply turned towards me before shooting into the darkening sky and leaving me to my fate. For how long I wandered before collapsing into the snow I know not but when I awoke I was being tended to by healers of the Avarosan tribe. There I met my wife, Ashe. Now I fight for the Avarosan and the unification of the Freljord in the league." The therapist blinked a few times before writing some more notes down on her clipboard.

"Anything else?" Tryndamere's smile faded to a tight lipped frown.

"There is one other thing. I am only afraid of two things, the Darkin Blade and…"  
The therapist leaned in expectantly. "and…poros." The last few words slipped out in a hushed whisper inaudible to the therapist.

"Could you repeat that I didn't catch that last part?"

"Iamafraidofporos"

"One more time please?"

"I am afraid of poros." The therapist was shocked. Tryndamere the muscle bound King of the Avarosan was afraid of poros? But they were so cute and fluffy!(She had the good fortune to meet Braum and his mustached poro while lost in the Freljord wing yesterday)

"Why?" Tryndamere swallowed hard before answering.

"When I was a little kid I fell into a bag of poro snacks and got mobbed by them, still haven't gotten over it."

"Have you tried being around poros?"

"Ashe makes me go to the Howling Abyss every Wednesday to try to get over my poro issue."

"Have you met Braum's poro?"

"No. Like I said they freak me out"

"Maybe he could help you get used to poros by showing you how friendly they are and helping you interact with them in a positive manner on the Abyss." The barbarian thought it through.

"Yeah I guess I could try it. It is really embarrassing to be afraid of the little puff balls." The therapist beamed. One problem down 104 to go. Maybe this was not going to be so bad after all.

**Not much Syndra but she will show up in future chapters :)**


	2. Of Clipboards and Leechs

**Hi again! At the suggestion of a reviewer I am trying out a new, more plot-oriented chapter construction. I will be writing chapters like this from now on. Honestly this was a lot of fun to write but it took a bit longer than the other chapters (Quality over quantity!). Next chapter Should be done in about a month's time. Once again pls R&amp;R and enjoy! :)**

Darius fumbled blindly out of the shower in his once pristine apartment in the Noxian wing of the Institute of War hand groping about for the towel which, up until about a week ago, should have been folded perfectly and set on the silver rack on the wall. After finding it strew haphazardly across the toilet seat (not in it, thank the gods) and wrapping it around his waist he brushed his teeth and reached for the can of shaving cream that should have been right next to his toothbrush. It instead rested on the now shaving cream coated towel rack. Cursing his idiot brother he disregarded the dark stubble on his chin and dressed himself, hoping against all odds that Draven had left already or was sleeping in.

"DARIUS, MY MAN!" Nope. When did he ever have any luck with Draven around? Draven was sprawled across the couch trash and food strewn everywhere. "I used up all the shaving cream last night and I think we are out of mil…nah, wait, there it is!" Darius's gaze followed Draven's to a jug of curdled milk spilled across the carpet and the slumbering form of some poor girl who had succumbed to Draven's supposed 'charms'. Frankly Darius thought he was about as charming as a sewer slug. "Oh and Draven needs a new bed! The one you have provided me with is too small. I need one about, say, Draven plus eight girls across! Yeah that should do it! And it'll need some sick fur covers! You can do that, right?" Darius sighed resting his axe on his shoulder as he pushed the door open. "YES! YOU'RE THE MAN, BRO! Second to DRAAAAAVEN of course…" He added a pensive look spreading across his face as though he had forgotten something that was on the tip of his tongue. "OH, YEAH! Don't forget the fur thing! It's gotta be legit fur! None of that 'save the poros' crap! Rip it off the damn puff ball if you gotta just make sure it's legi-" Darius slammed the door as hard as he could without breaking it off the hinges (between bar fights and certaint more destructive members of the noxians line up repair bills had already cost Noxus a fortune) grumbling about how he 'never should have let the little parasite in his home' as he trudged towards the cafeteria for breakfast that would have normally been a leisurely activity in his orderly apartment paired with reading the Journal and sharpening his massive axe. However a week ago he had been called away from the league for important strategy meetings pertaining to the current stalemate with Demacia and Draven being the opportunistic leech he was took up residence and had proved near impossible to dislodge. Unfortunately for Darius, a man raised on military discipline and possessing orderly habits akin to a machine Draven subscribed to the orderly chaos theory of living and tossed things where ever it was most convenient (Darius had found his own razor, dulled beyond any reasonable use, in the shower drain alongside six different colored clumps of long hair and a brand new bar of soap all of which were deemed fit only for the trash can). He had always argued that he knew where everything was and that Darius just messed up his, clearly better, way of 'organizing'. Damn selling that spare apartment had been a bad he grumbled his way to the cafeteria the Hand of Noxus noticed a small leaflet pinned to the corkboard that hung near the entrance.

"Complementary therapy sessions for league champs… maybe this will help with my leech issues."

* * *

"Next!" the therapist had had a long day. Her favorite chair had been crushed by a rampaging Dr. Mundo. Her lovely new desk had been eaten by Kog' Maw. Malzahar's voidling had nested in her hair. Brand burned down her waiting room. In short the summoner's had had a hard time keeping their therapist intact. She read her clipboard and groaned. The next champs were the blood brothers. Draven sauntered into her office and sprawled out on the small green couch leaving his brother who sulked in after him as though in an attempt to seem unrelated to the Glorious Executioner with a small wooden stool. It creaked dangerously under the weight of his armor as he sat down. "So then gentlemen, who wants to start, how about-"

"Well since you asked so nicely of course the great Draven will begin!" Darius face palmed as his brother burst into one of his signature self-adoring rants.

"You see shrinky all this started about a week ago when I saw fit to grace my bro here with my supreme presence and seeing that he was not home determined that I would save his food from rotting and crashed there for a bit!" He flashed a grin that made the therapist want to knock his teeth out. "Since then it's been all good! Old Silvermane here and I get along just great!"

"What he means to say is that he took advantage of my being on important assignments to freeload at my apartment, turn it into a pig sty, and essentially chase me from my own home!" Darius finished by slamming his fist on the small table Draven was using as a foot stand for extra effect turning it into splinters. The therapist gasped. Draven looked surprised that his glorious feet no longer had a place to rest from their long travels up and down the halls of the Institute of War. Darius went red with embarrassment trying to scoop up the pieces of what had been an antique demacian end table that had belonged to her great grandparents. "I-I'm so sorry I'll get it fixed."

"Like hell you will! Have you told Draven how his leeching off you makes you feel?"

"Nope!" Draven cut in a malicious grin spreading across his face. Darius had never been good with feelings or sharing and the Glorious Executioner planned to take full advantage of that. How could he not get him that bed he so richly deserved! And the grievous lack of poro fur sheets! Inexcusable! "Why just this morning he told me how much it meant to him that I had decided to crash there…" tears welled up in his eyes as he performed as though he was a star in one of the popular soap operas noxians seemed so attached to. "Why do you do this to poor little Draven's heart, bro? WHYYYYYYYY?" He threw in a few sniffles at the end to really sell it. He was rewarded with a sound crack on the head from the therapist's clipboard.

"Quit your whining! I asked Darius not you! Why are you even here? Go home, Draven… And don't forget to fill out your court mandated forms!" She gave him a look that said 'If you don't do exactly as I say ill shove this clipboard down your throat!' He looked at her as though she had commited some horrible act of high treason against the glory that is Draven.

"Alright, alright! Sheesh, don't have to tell me when I'm not wanted…"

"That's not what Sona said!" The therapist shot back. She turned her attention to Darius and adjusted her glasses. "Did you ever consider just buying a new apartment and putting the old one on Draven's bill?" Darius stared at her dumbstruck. All it would take would be a small chat with Swain. And a bit of bird seed but that could be easily arranged. The big man lept up from his tiny stool and hugged the now very confused therapist then left to arrange the room switch with Swain. It seemed as though his day would not be so bad after all.

**So this is what i will be shooting for in future.** Thank you so much to Nadral who sugested a more plot oriented approach to the chapters. You sir, deserve a cookie. Also thanks to LoLisFun for suggesting Darius.****

****P.S. Mundo has been added to the ban list. Thats some serious stuff there(plus Mord would be more fun to write for the same sort of issues. He has a better catch phrase)****


	3. Blood for Noxus

**A near 2k chapter?! What have you guys gotten me into? JK this one was a lot of fun to write. As always pls R&amp;R and leave your suggestion for the next champion in a review or pm me. I will not be posting the next chapter for a bit because of vacation and writing a new chapter 1.**

_Serenity_. The hooded man swooped under a wayward bottle of beer eyes hardly leaving the page of his romance novel._ Focus_. His left bracer collided with the leg of a bar stool as he calmly set down his novel. _Strike! _Talon slid off the edge of his barstool, left leg hooking the rung and bringing its legs into contact with Draven's shins. As the Glorious Executioner fell Talon swung his mug into Draven's head. As he hit the floor Talon's satisfaction turned to icy fear as the imposing form of Darius loomed over him.

"Thanks." Talon nodded curtly his purple hood obscuring his face. For noxians no day was complete without the downing of copious amounts of alcohol followed by the obligatory bar fight and subsequent downing of still more of whatever Gragas happened to have behind the counter. For Talon not much had changed since the mandatory therapy sessions had begun except for the massive PR campaign he had launched to remind people that yes, he did exist and yes, he was a badass. As per usual the fight was begun by Draven and Katarina. Normally he would have shrugged and let Draven get kicked around like a toy then skewered full of knives but he had just picked up a great novel and was beginning to get invested in the plot when the fight broke out. He returned to his room somewhat drunk but not quite hammered yet. The league had done a study on champion alcohol tolerances and of course Noxus won a landslide victory for highest collective alcohol tolerance in Valoran. Gragas was the undisputed king of booze but Ashe and Lissandra could hardly finish a bottle between them resulting in a strong second place finish. Talon waved to the small hextech recording device tucked inconspicuously into the corner of each room in the Noxus wing before falling asleep on his couch(Draven had commandeered his bed for reasons unknown) to a typical Noxian soap opera.

* * *

"Talon Du Couteau to the dungeon please." He let out an audible groan as he checked his watch. It was hardly mid-day and Katarina had already done something stupid. At this rate he might as well apply for a job with Thresh down in the dungeon. When Thresh had started harvesting the souls of random summoners and employees of the Institute they had given him the job of Dungeon Keeper in an attempt to keep the specter in check. It had actually worked out pretty well. And with Katarina constantly ending up in the dungeon for one reason or the other Thresh never had a lack of escape attempts to deal with. In Talon's eyes Thresh was as much a guardian of the redheaded daughter of General Du Coteau as he was.

* * *

"Good afternoon, Talon." The specter greeted with a slight bow, his chains rattling eagerly.

"So what did she do today?" Thresh stroked his chin pensively before consulting a small book kept neatly on the shelf near his favorite bench. His skeletal gauntlet traced a zig-zag across each page before coming to rest at a spot about mid-way down the list.

"Ah, yes the usual. Stabbed some poor chap and his friend after dislocating Draven's jaw in a bar fight." The specter grabbed a set of rusty keys from their place on the wall and motioned for the assassin to follow. Despite its keeper's penchant for torture and generally sadistic mindset the dungeon was not that horrible. At least not any of the cells Talon had seen although Thresh had hinted at some more 'interesting' cells reserved for non-champion offenders that had been brought to the league by either bounty hunters or one of the various nations. As they walked through the dungeon to Katarina's reserved cell Talon took extra care not to be on the same side as the whistling specter's spinning hook. "You know dear Talon, there are few things as invigorating as taking a mind apart, piece by piece." At his friend's sudden stiffening Thresh slowed his hook just enough so Talon could clearly see it's well-honed and slightly blood stained edge.

"If you did anything to her-"

"Oh please Talon as if I could bring myself to hurt the only person who takes the time out of their precious life to visit me every day of the week!" His gleeful expression only worsened Talon's fears. Sure Thresh kept Katarina out of trouble but could he really trust the undead madman? 'Madman' should have tipped him off for that answer. He silently readied a knife just in case things got ugly. "Ouch Talon, well like adopted brother like sister they say! Stabby as always I see?" Maybe not silently enough, besides what good is a simple knife against a ghost anyway?

As they progressed through the halls of the Warden's home away way from home he started to become less interested in Thresh's ramblings and more focused on what to do with Kat. The council would not be swayed by the 'she was really hammered' excuse this time. "Seventy Four offenses in one month really is quite impressive! I would congratulate her if Kayle was not on my ass about 'justice' and 'positive reinforcement of proper behavior' all the time. It's really no wonder she never gets laid, cannot let lose…" Talon could have sworn they had passed this hall before. "Maybe if she went to her therapy sessions like a good little kitty Kat she wouldn't be in here all the time…" Yeah, they were walking in circles He had seen that particular room of torture equipment before.

"Thresh. We are walking in circles." The specter looked genuinely confused.

"What? Oh right! Get Katarina, yes this way please." He spun on his heel and pulled open an unlocked door next to Talon. "Your knight in purple hood has arrived! Now get out of my dungeon!" He turned to the hooded assassin, "Would you mind having a talk with her about carving lewd images on my walls? Takes an eternity to patch up." Talon sighed and escorted his fellow assassin back to the noxian wing.

* * *

"Thresh said you were skipping therapy sessions." Katarina blew a lock of red hair from her eyes to get a better sight on the wooden target.

"Yeah? And so what if I did?" She threw the knives with perfect precision each blade impacting a vital point. Talon sighed and took a swig of some horrible concoction Gragas had brewed up specifically for the noxians after the damage they caused with their bar fight. (Word had it that it had escalated to include almost all of the champions of the league and that Gragas blamed Noxus for the Tryndamere-sized hole in the wall of his fine establishment. Apparently Mordekaiser hits like an eighteen wheeler.)

"It might help with the council's leniency to be taking your therapy seriously." Katarina scoffed and tossed another volley of knives. "Really though, Kayle is always on your tribunal and we both know what a sticker for rules she is. If you at least looked like you were trying to improve maybe you would stand a chance of not being executed." The red head just scoffed and kept throwing. Suddenly a thought occurred to Talon.

"Do you really want your death to be at the hands of Draven, Kat?" The Sinister Blade looked as if Thresh had decided to have a bit of fun and not listen to Kayle and the summoners for a change. "He is called the Glorious_ Executioner_ for a reason."

"Fine I'll go to one appointment. But if it sucks I'll stab someone and you won't like who it is!" Talon smiled at the threat of a knife in his chest. After all it had to be better than having to listen to Thresh as they wandered around the institute's basement for hours on end for the rest of his life.

* * *

The therapist had just finished her pervious appointment as she settled down for a warm cup of tea and some shortbread cookies (both had been gifts from Caitlyn). Next on the docket was the redhead from Noxus. Not that Katarina had ever shown up. For the poor embattled therapist this was a sanctuary of peace before she had to deal with Aatrox followed by Thresh with a nice side helping of Draven throw in ( He just showed up whenever he pleased). Unfortunately Shen would not be breaking up the horrible evening as he was on mission somewhere and Fizz had accidentally been swallowed by Kog' Maw who, as far as she knew, refused to spit him out ( the tiny…whatever he was… had run about the league singing 'Kog' Maw ate Fizz! Kog' Maw ate Fizz! Fizz taste good!' before he had been stopped by Kayle, bless her, and turned over to the summoners who, after concluding that Fizz was in fact alive and well, still had yet to devise a method of getting the ingested creature out the front end of the void-dweller without risking quite a few limbs). The poor woman barely had time to rise her mug, courtesy of Ahri, (It said 'I love my f***ing job' on it) before Katarina crashed into the room and deposited her leather clad frame on the couch. As Talon slunk in behind her the therapist sighed. This was going to be interesting.

"Good afternoon Talon." Talon nodded and the therapist turned to the redhead. "Glad to finally see you Katarina. Talon and Cassiopeia have told me a lot about you." She tried to keep it as neutral as possible so as not to further set off the notoriously violent assassin sprawled in a way that reminded her distinctly of Draven across her couch. She placed the cookies and tea on her recently repaired table and took a deep breath. Katarina glared daggers at her as she flipped through the dictionary sized folder on the Sinister Blade looking for the overview file.

* * *

By the third ink blob on a white piece of paper Katarina had had enough. (She had answer that all of them looked like ink blobs causing her brother to face palm hard enough that Draven winced in the waiting room) She looked the therapist strait in the eyes and pulled a knife seemingly out of thin air and without looking threw it into Talon's leg. As Talon yanked the knife out and the panicked therapist called the medics Katarina just laughed.

"What the hell Kat?" She suddenly stopped and glared pure hatred at Talon.

"Told you I would stab someone." She had purposely aimed just below his crotch making sure not to hit anything important but just scare him. He would be fine…probably.

* * *

As Talon limped into the dungeon he noticed Thresh looked extremely smug today. His gauntlets rested on the back of his skull and his boot-clad feet were resting on his desk which was quit disconcerting to Talon who usually found the jailer pacing around muttering about something to do with torture or murder.

"Hey Thresh."

"A good morning to you as well my dear friend." If Talon had though Thresh could not have looked smugger before he would have been sorely mistaken.

"What did you do?" A malicious grin spread across the Warden's face.

"Oh just helped a mutual friend of ours let lose a bit." Talon did notice Kayle had been flying a bit funny that morning. He was suddenly struck with a horrible image of the Judicator and Thresh in bed together.

"I'm going to need some brain bleach." Thresh burst into laughter and started down the hall swinging his hook as they went.


	4. Exemplary World Leadership

**Yay! Chapter 4! As promised more Syndra. Please don't forget to R&amp;R and leave any suggestions about champs you want to see in a future chapter in a review or pm me.**

Syndra floated lazily above the couch as the therapist furiously scrawled her last report below her. She twisted a strand of long white hair around her finger as she peeked at the therapist's work. Satisfied that it was suitably boring she levitated the remote to her hand and began flipping through the channels until the umbrella wielding Janna flickered to life in front of them.

"Hey Tee is this thing on? Oh! Um…Good evening Valoran!" Syndra chuckled at the veteran reporter's rookie error "This is Janna coming to you live from the Institute of War where the Demacia-Noxus Peace talks will begin tomorrow." Her face lit up at the mention of talks, lithe frame spinning in slow cartwheels above the now mildly annoyed therapist.

"Yes! My favorite holiday!" The therapist raised an eyebrow but continued to brutalize her paper with the hextech pen crushed between her fingers. "Nothing ever gets done and all the rest of us champions get a few days off. Plus the blowhard prince and his arrogant arch nemesis get to inflate their egos to the point where Kayle gives them both a proper smack-down!" She rolled to a stop landing gently albeit somewhat off balance on the floor. "So do you have any plans?" The therapist came very close to snapping the gold pen in half as she turned to face her chipper roommate.

"Actually I've been called on to mediate the talks until Kayle is on her feet again." The Judicator had, against her better judgment, trusted Thresh when he offered to bring her the gallons of coffee she depended on to stay on guard duty all night (the specter had spiked it with some concoction Gragas had intended for the noxians leaving Kayle, who had never had any sort of alcohol in her thousand-year life more than a bit hammered and with a hangover that would have sent even Gragas himself to the infirmary).

"Well don't worry too much about it if not for Prince Yarvan and Grand General McBaldy Noxus and Demacia would be the tightest alliance the league has ever seen." The therapist shot her a skeptical look but pulled out a fresh sheet of paper to write down whatever happened to spill out of the seemingly all-knowing Dark Sovereign. "If those boneheads would stop bickering over hypothetical battles maybe they would see what's right under their noses." That sure caught the therapist's attention. Although she was never inclined to gossip it certainly had benefits to be this knowledgeable about the champions she would be dealing with.

"Go on…"

"Really? Even Blitz can see it!" The therapist looked a bit shocked and fidgeted with her glasses before responding in a barely audible whisper.

"You mean that Garen Crownguard and Katarina…"

"That's old news! I mean Talon and Quinn." The therapist was utterly shocked. Talon had always seemed too bottled up for any sort of serious relationship to form involving him and Quinn had a crush on the prince last time she was in therapy (Then again who didn't? Syndra aside...).

* * *

The glowing orb barely missed the hooded assassin as he dove towards his target. "Nice dodge, Talon!" The infuriating, blond, sister-of-his-sister's-boyfriend target. He grunted and dashed towards her using the branches of the towing trees that made up the Rift's vast jungle as an airborne path towards her retreating form.

"Lux, shut up! I'm trying to kill you and you keep distracting me with all this damned chatter!" Gods I hate my life. Wait it's been awfully quiet down here…oh shit! The blue feathered form of a massive Demacian Eagle shot towards him, its wing folded back into near bullet-like shape, sharpened talons (oh the irony of getting killed by one's own name)outstretched, beak ready to cut and tear. "Nice Valor?" _Nope. He's going to kill me. I'll never hear the end of this from Kat, killed by a damn bird!_ The bird swooped up at the last second a hail storm of arrows colliding into the thick branch Talon perched on, or had until Quinn landed next to him, sweeping his legs from under him in a smooth, well-practiced motion that sent the noxian careening to the forest floor. The sickening crunch that followed didn't help Talon much either. Talon dragged himself across the leaves with his good arm before a familiar hand rolled him on his back.

"Got you." The ranger smiled triumphantly as the assassin squirmed trying his best not to return the smile.

"Damn bird…" Valor landed with a thump on Quinn's specially fitted bracer.

_Squawk!_

"Would you mind making it quick? My team might start to worry if…" Quinn interrupted him with a kiss when Lux returned.

"Oh…My…Gosh! Prince Jarvan would be so mad if he saw this…I bet Swain would have them killed too! Oh this is bad, this is bad! I can't keep two pairs of lovers a secret from Jarvan and Swain!" A sharp snap ended their moment as Quinn reloaded her weapon and caught her breath.

"Come on Lux. Team needs help at Baron." Lux breathed deeply, her overly happy demeanor returning as she followed the ranger towards the baron pit.

* * *

Why Demacia and Noxus can't just settle their issues like Piltover and Zaun had always been a great mystery to Darius. He continued to sharpen his axe as Swain gave the final briefing to the champions of Noxus. Despite his loyalty to Jericho the big man really couldn't care less what he said at this point. For majority of the champs in the room 'talks with Demacia' equated to nap time while Swain and Jarvan engaged in the stupidest contests imaginable. This year was going to be interesting. He would have to pay Thresh a visit after it was over to thank the warden. As for how Zaun and Piltover settled boarder disputes, well it certainly was much more badass than the way it was done in central Valoran after all giant mechs slugging it out versus two royal morons trying to out macho/smart the other was hardly a contest by anyone's standards.

* * *

_Demacian men are idiots_. Garen, Jarvan, and Xin Zhao were all chanting 'Demacia!'and making general fools of themselves when they were summoned to the specially cleared room for the 'talks'. Quinn sighed and stroked Valor's feathers as they boarded the crowed elevator to the seventh floor. _Three hours of mind numbing pain then it's over._

* * *

The oak table that had been set out for the talks had an air of regality to it that really did show the importance of the talks to the Institute. At each end of the ovular table stood the leaders of Noxus and Demacia. Behind each man was the champions from their city state seeming very bored with themselves and, as Syndra had said, talking to the 'other side' when their leaders were not paying attention. She cleared her throat getting the desired effect as the champions stopped mulling about and took their respective spots around the table.

"As you all know Kayle was unable to attend this meeting so I have been sent here in her place." Talon smiled at Quinn, the ranger's face turning bright red as the therapist continued to speak. "Let's try to have a civilized discussion here, alright?" Syndra leaned in behind her and whispered just loud to be heard by Jarvan and Swain.

"With this two you might as well have told them to go grab some spears and hunt mammoths." Lux, who was seated next to the therapist, barely suppressed a giggle at the Ionian's snarky comment before Jarvan shut her up with a glare. The gold armored prince motioned to Xin Zhao who produced two cages from a gold suitcase.

"Now then Swain, let's see if your bird can handle…THIS!" he ripped the cages open revealing two miniature snow tigers native to the Freljord region. As the small fluffy beasts rolled about the table they caught sight of the demonic raven Swain kept as a pet. The tactician instantly swung into action using his cane to upset Valor from the back of Quinn's chair. Unfortunately he had not expected Valor to simply pick up the small predators in his claws and escort them from the room. A string of curses exploded from the Grand General's mouth before he pulled out a set of black and green dice from his sleeve.

"How dare you attempt to hurt my dear Beatrice! These dice are loaded with hexspolsives. Whichever of us rolls the lower number will be blown to kingdom come!" The two men each scoped up a hand full of dice and splashed them across the table. Jarvan laughed as he saw the clearly rigged roll.

"You may have won the roll Swain but I have disabled the entire arsenal of hexsplosive die with this device here!" The prince held up a small box with a button on it a smug grin plastered on his handsome face.

"Oh? Do you mean the disarming device I rigged with a hidden shocker node?" Jarvan looked puzzled until Swain produced a remote control device from his other sleeve and pressed the small button labeled Shockaprinceomatic 3000 causing Jarvan to convulse with electricity. The therapist was horrified. This was not at all how she had intended the evening to go. Syndra held a chalkboard, tallying the points for each side and laughing maniacally at both world leaders' complete lack of any sort of maturity. Eventually it got to the point where Swain produced two dinner plates covered in a powder the color of Kat's hair (or Talon's nose bleed, either way about the same).

"By your reaction Jarvan I believe you know what this powder is…" The wide-eyed prince stared at the plates color draining from his face (Syndra theorized that Quinn must have taken it enticing another giggle fit from Lux)

"Not Noxian Fire Peppers…"

"Yes, Jarvan, Noxian Fire Peppers, and I assume you have heard of the Fire Pepper Challenge?" Jarvan steeled himself for the great task ahead.

"First to finish the plate takes all."

"I would have it no other way…" They instantly raised the plates to their faces and began stuffing as much of the burning powder into their mouths as they could.

* * *

"Thank you nurse." Akali nodded as Jarvan and Swain were carted out on stretchers their faces bright red and swollen from the powder.

"They should be OK in about a day's time." The therapist nodded as the other champions began to file out of the now demolished room. Talon and Quinn stood side by side as the champs all piled into the elevator. Syndra floated up next to the completely confused therapist.

"You'll get used to it. For them it's sorta like a sporting event. All bloody murder when the game is on but no real bad blood between them at the end."

"Remind me to kick the crap out of Summoner Kole next time I see him."The mage nodded as the two walked towards the stairs.


	5. Team Building

**Ah yes the last chapter before school starts. As always please R&amp;R and leave your suggestions in a review! Also a suggestion doesn't have to be a champ. If you have an idea for a chapter's plot feel free to put it in a review. As I said last chapter school is starting again for me so I could use all the help I can get!**

The therapist thanked the waiter as he set down the odd pair's meals. On the other side of the table situated in the most well renowned and expensive restaurant sat a goggled yordle with dark brown fur wearing a slightly charred tuxedo.

"It's been a good run but I'm doomed to go." The therapist eyed her friend with a new found professional curiosity.

"Don't say that Ziggs, Kennen gave you a perfect bill of health."

"You don't understand! It's the family curse! Every man in me family kicked da landmine at the ripe young age o' thirty. Chances are good I've only got about four years to live! I've got four years left to make me mark Cynthia, four years!" She raised an eyebrow at the yordle who continued. "Sure I've done a lot but I want ta do something truly spectacular! Wait a second…Yes that's it! I'm so sorry I have ta go and make preparations for da greatest show dis Institute has ever seen!"

"Hey Ziggs before you go, did Ahri put you up to this?" Ziggs tugged at his bow tie as he turned towards the therapist.

"Well, uh… she might have." (Since Syndra had introduced the two women Ahri had constantly tried to set the therapist up with various champions and summoners)

* * *

The therapist stumbled into the living room almost knocking over the small cup of coffee next to a note written in Syndra's neat hand.

_Gone to register a team for The Dean of Demolition's Death Match of Doom_

_-Syndra_

_Oh, well that's nice…wait DEATH MATCH?_

* * *

"Um Syndra are you sure about dis? I mean do you even got a team put togetha yet?" The mage looked offended. She flicked her long white hair away from her face and continued filling out the forms completely ignoring the yordle. "Not that ya can't win just your up some against some stiff competition." He continued a worried frown parting the fur of his face as she completed the basic team registration form. "Alright fine if your dead set on dis I might know a few champs wiffout a team that have ah…certain skills dat may come in handy."

"Aww thanks Ziggs! Don't worry your money will go to a great cause!" The yordle rubbed the bridge of his furry nose as she floated off list in hand.

* * *

"Syndra! Thank the gods you're not dead!"

"What?" the therapist looked at her a bit of confusion beginning to overshadow the worry of the loss of her roommate.

"Didn't you sign up for some crazy death match?" The therapist rolled her eyes as Syndra rolled around in the air laughing at the idea.

"It's not a real death match! It's paintball! Hey how would you like to win a lot of money? You could use it for a vacation!" The therapist looked horrified at the suggestion that she would agree to join any sort of death match, paintball or not. _But a vacation sounds so nice…_

"Alright ill join but when I get splattered in paint it's your fault!" Syndra did a backflip (She was already floating) and stuffed a small pile of sheets into the therapist's arms.

"Ok just sign all of these and you're on the team!"

* * *

"This is a weird list." The therapist peeked over Syndra's shoulder at the scrap of white paper with some names scrawled in a messy, haphazard hand. Most of the names had been crossed off by now and only four remained. "Let's see… room 414…ah, here it is!" The therapist was sure the white haired woman would break down the door with her knocking before anyone could open it. "ZED! OPEN THE DOOR!" She waited for a bit, hands posted on her hips, the therapist cringing at the Dark Sovereign's complete lack of manners. "Alright I gave him fair warning." Her eyes glowed a pale purple as she drew her arms together crushing the door to splinters revealing a very agitated and slightly ill looking ninja wrapped in a thick blanket, hand still grasping the door knob. Zed's left eye twitched dangerously.

"What…the… fuck. Do you do this to everyone? Do you know how much these doors cost? I get charged for this bullshit not you, me! What the fuck do you want anyway?" Syndra smiled through the whole thing.

"You're going to join my paintball team."

"No. Fuck off." He reached for the door as though to slam it instead finding only splinters attached to mangled hinges. He grumbled something about fucking mages before retreating to the kitchen area of his apartment and pouring a cup of tea then collapsing onto his couch and turning on the television. Syndra let out a small huff before blocking the TV.

"Yes you are. Now get off the couch finish your tea and sign the forms." Zed slowly lifted his tired eyes to meet her stern gaze.

"I'm your friend Syndra, not your slave. Hell, at this point friend is really stretching it. Now go away, I'm sick." The mage produced a white pharmaceutical bag from seemingly thin air (the therapist couldn't see anywhere her tight fitting clothes would allow her to hide it) and held it in front of Zed.

"I know. That's why I had Akali whip up some cold meds for you."

"Are you trying to kill me like you did my poor innocent door? For all you know those are cyanide capsules in there!" The mage looked genuinely hurt.

"You know champions can't kill each other on Institute property. And besides didn't you build up immunity to cyanide?" Zed's palm cracked against the top half of his mask (he had removed the bottom half to drink his tea).

"You can't… ah whatever, just give me the bag."

"Not until you sign the forms." The therapist watched with baited breath as the Ionians stared each other down. Zed cracked first snatching the papers from the mage's hand and signing the release forms as rapidly as humanly possible grumbling to himself the whole way thought the entire forty sheet packet.

"Done, now give me the bag!" As he opened the bag expecting a small container of either pills or liquid medicine his lips contorted in to a vicious snarl. "This isn't cold medicine! These are cookies!" Syndra looked at him expectantly. "We better win."

"Now that you're done whining lets go find Rengar! I'll expect to see you tomorrow at 0800 sharp!" Zed grunted his mouth full of cookies as he pulled the blanket tighter around himself. The therapist waited until her friend had left before turning her attention to the now blanket-less ninja. Zed turned off the TV, strapped on his blades, reaffixed his mask and headed for the training area as though none of the previous events had happened. _Weirdest friendship ever…_ She turned in the hall and followed the path she had thought Syndra had taken. The halls still all looked the same to her ever after a month of working and living at the Institute. After going down a few flights of stairs and into a part of the building that gave her the creeps she turned a corner to see Ziggs along with a few summoners, Kole included, circled around a hextech device that projected what appeared to be a ruined city with an 'x' in the center. Deciding that that was clearly not where she wanted to be she headed back towards where she had come from.

* * *

"Im always up for a good hunt but the league has me babysitting this little scoundrel here" The Pride Stalker pointed at an adorable little yordle with a long fluffy tail and upward pointing fangs "which means where I go fluffy comes too." Syndra considered Rengar's statement for a bit before checking her roster sheet.

"Eh we have six spots why not?"

"Glad to hear it! I assume you want to group up at 8:00 sharp tomorrow morning?"

"Yes who told you that?"

"Zed and I were sparring when he told me about what you did to his door." Syndra fumed her eyes lighting up in anger. _Dammit Zed you faker!_

* * *

The therapist looked at the pistol Syndra had handed her with a mix of disgust and curiosity. It wasn't a complicated device but it looked so…real. Ahri had joined their team after a lot of 'convincing' from the mage. Syndra wouldn't tell her what had happened but she had a pretty good guess.

"Where is the other half of our team?" _How does Ahri make everything sound so…what the fudge?_ Syndra's jaw hit the floor and the therapist swore she could hear Pentakill's new album playing in the background as Rengar and Zed walked into the team waiting room in full hextech body armor with a small armory's worth of paint ball guns on each of them. Where Rengar had opted for two massive weapons and two pistols Zed carried a small army's worth of seemingly random firearms mag-clipped and holstered along his armor.

"Where did you get all of that?"

"We hit the weapons rack." Rengar rumbled his yordle charge shaking a tiny boomerang made of the jaw from some long dead beast as though in support of the lion's statement. Zed spun his twin pistols and holstered them.

"As your leader I command you to hand over some weapons." Zed tossed two assault rifles to the therapist and Ahri who each wore simple camouflaged clothes with a purple bandana tied to their left arm. Rengar reluctantly gave up an extra pistol to their 'leader' who 'exchanged' it for Zed's sniper rifle. She flipped back her hair and tied a purple bandana around Zed and Rengar's arms.

"Zed you're good at the whole strategic planning right?" Zed shook his jet black helmet. "So then what's our game plan?"

"No clue." Rengar (who lacked a helmet as helmets made for humans don't fit lion's very well) pulled out a map of the battle grounds and placed a small marker in the central park area.

"This is the gold pot. We capture this and we win. Around the edges will be the other teams. We could simply rush the pot but I doubt Ziggs would leave it without some sort of guards. On the other hand we can spiral around and take out the competition as we go. My expertise on this ends here though so ill have to defer to Zed for squad tactics." Zed nodded happy to do what he did best.

"Each team has a total of four types of soldiers. Three regulars, for us that would be Ahri ,Cynthia, and…" he looked down at the yordle.

"Nyarrr!"

"And Gnar. As well as the regulars each team has a sniper, that would be you Syndra, a heavy, Rengar, and a specialist, me. The specialist can take any role they desire as long as they have the equipment hence the walking armory. Tactics will vary depending on our enemies. We will be teleported to the arena in one minute. Once shot you will be teleported back where you may spectate or just go do whatever. All good?" The other five nodded. Zed cracked his knuckles and stood on the teleportation circle. "Let's win this."

**WTF? A cliffhanger? Dammit Orbital its not even that suspenseful a cliffhanger either! Fear not! This chapter has been split in twine(two) as other wise it would be over 3.5k words long! The rest is already written up and I will post it in about a week cause im lazy like that :D**


	6. Ziggsball

**The 1k barrier has been broken thus an early update seemed appropriate. A huge thanks to everyone who took the time out of their day to read my story. You all deserve cookies. Please keep the suggestions rolling so I can keep making chapters. As always pls R&amp;R and enjoy the new chapter.**

Quinn looked through her scope at Valor who had taken up residence in an abandoned apartment complex that stood on the south side of the massive city Ziggs and the summoners had rigged up for the competition. Below them a small firefight had broken out between the Noxian team lead by Swain and her team led by Jarvan. Garen and Darius lay down wide swaths of paint with their machine guns while the commanders screamed orders to the remaining players. She scanned the tops of the buildings looking for the slicked up hair of the enemy sniper. As she swept over their lines a red spot manifested itself on Garen's chest the force of the specially built hextech rifle knocking him over before the familiar blue light of teleportation whisked him back to the Institute. _Draven_. The man immediately stood up from his hiding spot ghillie suit flapping as he performed a strange victory dance that reminded the ranger of a drunken chimpanzee discovering fire. She sighed finger sliding to the trigger, eye trained on her scope.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." She whirled around hand grasping for the pistol at her waist.

"Talon? How did you… Val you sell out!" the bird squawked at her from Talon's free arm before hopping to the edge of the balcony Quinn had set up on. The assassin smiled and pocketed the pistol that had previously been aimed at the demacian's forehead.

"Don't worry they don't know. Draven's too busy doing his little dance to notice anything." As they embraced each other the darkened wall behind them shifted slightly glowing red eyes darkening to a golden visor with a skull carved into it.

_Squawk!_

"Ah love, always bites you in the ass."

"What?" The couple turned to face where the wall had sprouted a black suit of hextech armor wielding twin pistols. Soon the balcony around them was coated in purple paint and a very irate bird who gave Quinn an 'I told you there was a bad guy here!' stare. Talon rubbed the paint from his face.

"Come on man! I thought we were friends!"

"Yeah sucks and hey, now you two both have to change. Not that you weren't going to do it before I shot you. And no I really don't want to see that." Talon grumbled about ninjas while Quinn signaled for Valor to return to her side as the blue teleportation circles formed beneath them. Reloading Zed chuckled and aimed a pistol towards Draven, who was still dancing, and fired.

"Roofs are clear. Make it count Rengar."

"My pleasure." A hail of purple rounds and Zed was gone moving between the shadows again as both Noxus and Demacia were painted in the tastiest color known to Lulu.

* * *

"Three still un-purpled."

"Nyarrr!" Syndra smiled at the yordle before nodding at his armored compainion.

"Screw six against six! We'll just have you and Zed shoot everyone and win!" Rengar shook his head but decided that the hunt was well worth their odd leader and kept his jaw shut. "Speaking of Zed where is he?"

"Purpling the other three."

"Nyarrr!"

* * *

Jarvan looked at Swain with what could only be descried as pure searing hatred. He had sent Fiora (The sole survivor of Swain's surprise attack) to watch the edge of the clearing while he and Swain fought in the small circle. He had won quite easily and the satisfaction of putting down his mortal enemy had boosted his confidence to the point where he decided to take a nap leaving the duelist all alone. For her part Fiora had simply walked to the edge of the clearing and positioned herself so as to attack anyone who may disturb the prince. A sudden rustling to the left of the clearing caught her attention. Expecting a well-armed opponent she carefully drew her weapon. Instead a small fluffly yordle skipped into the clearing, bashing a bone boomerang against the ground and babbling in some strange tongue that had long since become indecipherable.

"Zis ez but a little yordle! No matter I cannot allow 'im to wake ze prince." As she aimed at the spritely creature the breeze behind her stopped and the soft crack of a paintball marker roused the prince. His eyes were met with the barrel of Zed's pistol. He looked down to see a blue teleportation circle forming around him as a small yordle curiously bonked the purple splotch on his head with a boomerang.

"SWAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!"

* * *

Syndra's team assemble in front of the mage as they neared the small fortress that the Ionian team had set up the around the golden pot that served as the trophy. "Alright then, this is the final team remaining aside from us!" She pulled out a small piece of paper now covered in mud and cleared her throat (she had prepared a speech specifically for this occasion) "Hey where's Gnar?" Ahri and Rengar panicked heads turning as they searched the brush of the overgrown central park area of the city.

"You have a habit of losing soldiers Syndra."

"Shut up. Wait, what happened to Zed?"

* * *

"I'm morally opposed to using a tank in a paintball match Captain."

"Oh it's fine Karma. Just man…er…operate the forward machinegun k?" Karma sighed and peered out of the Hiemerdinger built tank that stood sentinel over their base Above her in the gunner's seat Irelia turned the turret left to right scanning for any intruders.

"Light target at your 12 Karma."

Gnar gazed at the large shiny animal in front of him. As he was unsure whether it was friend or foe he lifted his boomerang in a friendly greeting.

"Nyarrr!" The beast roared at him knocking his boomerang away. He stomped his little feet and pounded the ground, sorrow at the loss of his boomerang turning to white hot rage.

"GNARRRR!"

"Captain Lito, I believe I have angered the target."

"Dimmit Karma I told you to take the shooting practice seriously! My apologies if I offended you." Rengar watched as the now gigantic yordle heaved the tank above its head and hurled it into the woods.

"Ha, I knew he had the spirit of a hunter but that was truly impressive!"

* * *

Zed heard the roar and screech of bending metal outside of the dimly lit base (he had killed the power source before heading up the levels) Varus, Shen, and Kennen never knew what hit them when he deftly painted them a new shade of purple (he could get used to the whole gun concept). If the tank was manned by two team members and he had tagged three then that left one…Akali. She wasn't the type to sit in a tank and guard the gate; no, she'd be much closer to the golden pot. He carefully removed the heavy hextech armor and slipped into the next room. It had a single window, the walls on each side adorned with water pipes that still carried water to the upper floors. In the center of the large room sat a presumably gilded cooking pot in a small ray of light coming from the window. He held his pistol in front of him as he slowly moved across the room towards the prize.

Akali listened to the lone enemy with practiced patience. Her grey-green eyes narrowed as his firearm came into view from behind the door. She grabbed it pulling it towards the metal door to force him to let go or risk a broken limb. She didn't account for the possibility of a third option. Zed flicked the loader release mechanism dropping the pistols ammunition on the floor before heaving the gun and Akali around the door and towards the barrel of his second pistol. The kunochi spun into Zed avoiding the first shot and forcing his arm up for the second. Realizing this wouldn't be as simple as the other three the Master of Shadows dropped the ammo and tossed the marker behind him before Akali pushed off of him to land to the left of the golden pot. She flicked her raven black hair from her face to see Zed wrench a two meter pipe from the wall. _Now the fight begins._ She dropped into a defensive stance, leaping out of range of the first swing, narrowly clearing the follow up with a well-timed flip. Before she could move again Zed brought the pipe back around hooking it onto the handle of the pot. _Just like the chains. _Zed looked at the now halved pipe with confusion. Akali grabbed the former top half of the weapon from the pot dropping into a more neutral stance holding the pipe as though it were a sword. A smile crept onto Zed's face as he mimicked the kunochi. This was going to be well worth the abuse his door had suffered.

* * *

The two Ionians lay on the stairs leading up to the golden pot chests heaving. Akali broke the silence.

"You're better than I remembered."

"Sorry." She laughed, the sound filling the room.

"For what?"

"I forgot it was paintball." A tired smile tugged at his lips as she laughed again.

"YES! I did it! Hail Shroom! The gold is all mine!" The exhausted ninjas turned to look at a yordle decked out in face paint clutching the golden pot high above his furry head. Zed's gaze lingered on the paintball gun on the floor. Akali nodded.

"Together."

* * *

A sharp crack followed by a thud greeted the therapist's ears as the teleportation circle formed around her feet.

"About damn time he won." Syndra grumbled her clothes now plastered with treacherous paint balls from Ahri and Rengar. Upon the champions that had played gathering in front of a makeshift stage Ziggs stepped up to a small microphone, tapping it twice before speaking.

"Yeah so nobody wins." The champions immediately burst into shouting at the goggled yordle. "Teemo got shot before he could TP back so he's out and since Zed and Akali pulled the trigger together, yeah I know didn't peg either of them for the romantic type ( the ninjas had been standing next to each other until Ziggs called them) , neither of their teams win either," He flashed a toothy grin before continuing. "which means that there will be another tournament next year." Syndra shot Zed an accusing glare to which the ninja shrugged and turned back to Ziggs who bowed and hopped off the stage towards summoner Kole to discuss the plans for next year.

**P.S. Now that we've broken the 1k barrier ill expect you fine chaps to keep this up. No pressure. JK thanks again and pls leave a review if you liked the story! :D **

**P.P.S For those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about 1k separate ip addresses viewed this story this month.**


	7. Practical Chemistry in Feburary

**Yay first update of the month! Thanks once again to Nadral who suggested Twitch and Singed. This chapter is a bit on the shorter side as I am suffering from tremendous writers block (my English teacher stole my writing mojo). Also before anyone says anything yes I know its September and yes I know Valentine's Day is a good 5 months away. As always thanks for reading and leave any suggestions in a review. Enjoy! :D**

The small laboratory was filled with the acrid scent of uncontrolled experimentation and repeated failures however Singed wouldn't trade it for the world. He studied the beaker placed on the slightly corroded table with the trained eye of a chemist. The foul liquid bubbled lightly as he dropped a brown powder into the mouth of its container eyes lighting up as his creation became nearly identical to the flask of water beside it. He muttered something to himself pen scratching furiously onto a stained notebook. He was roused from his work by a sharp knock on his large metal door. Checking the bandages that covered his mutilated body he slowly made his way around the messy laboratory to the source of his annoyance. Instead of Kayle or Jax (they often came by to complain about 'odd noises' coming from behind the door) a massive rodent occupied the doorway head turning left and right. "Hey Singed!"

"Hello Twitch. What can I do for my malodorous friend today?" The rat instantly became very self-conscious spraying what appeared to be air freshener over his lanky frame. _Well this is odd. I should conduct a full study…_ "Is something the matter?"

"Oh, what this? Nah it's just that Valentine's Day is coming up and well… I don't want to spend it alone… again." _Well look at the shit pot you got yourself into now Singed!_ "I was just uh, you know hoping that you could whip me up a love potion? Just a temporary one, it don't have to be long term or nothin'." The mad chemist sighed; he had nothing better to do.

"Meh, insanity and love are not that far apart, eh? I'll have the first batch done tomorrow." The rat leapt up and down pure glee adorning his muzzle.

"Thanks pal! Just promise you won't tell anyone, k?" The chemist nodded closing the heavy metal door in the zaunite wing as his client skipped away. _Abundant test subjects…check!_

* * *

"I'm so screwed." The bartender slid Talon a pint of beer a sympathetic look adorning his pudgy face. "I have no idea what to do for Quinn." Talon downed the beverage and buried his head in his hands again.

"Well I'm no romantic genius but I can give you some advice. Just get her something meaningful. Chances are good she has no idea what to get you either. It's not like she expects some grand romantic gesture…right?" Talon just pushed his face further into his hands. As Gragas contemplated whether or not he should continue he slid Talon another pint. "You could just ask Quinn what she would want." The assassin sprang up from the bar stool shouted a thank you and sprinted towards the summoning hall. _Why ask Quinn and seem lame when I can ask an expert?_

* * *

Singed took one last look at the first iteration of his love potion and smiled under his bandages. _Now to find a test subject..._ _And done! Now for the best possible test…_

"Hey Riven! Remember when I killed all your friends?" The white haired women turned around fire blazing in her eyes sword drawn to cleave the chemist in two. As she dashed towards him Singed began to reconsider his words. He tossed the fragile vial at her so that its contents splashed across her face. _Hmm it seems the potion had no effect…well fuck my life. _He woke up in the sterile white of the league's hospital with a pounding headache and new bandages across his head. _Back to the lab…_

* * *

Twitch eyed the summoning platform nervously as he clutched the improved version of the potion under his coat. Silently making his way to the edges of the small group that had returned from the Zaun-Piltover match the rodent slipped the vile from its hiding place hand shaking as he prepared to throw it. _Only one shot…_ It would have been perfect had his target not moved ever so slightly to her left the glass container shattering without effect against the cold marble floor. As he scampered off face red with shame Oriana wondered what the strange liquid below her metal feet could be.

* * *

In retrospect Talon had no idea what he had been thinking. He had no clue where Ahri could be and so as any true noxian would he trudged to the bar to drown his newly acquired issue in copious amounts of the sweet nectar of life that is booze. Expecting to find his usual seat very empty he carelessly strolled to it only to find it occupied by exactly who he had hoped to see (In truth he would have preferred whisky to advice at this point). However as a noxian he had a sense of pride in his special drinking spot and as such felt a strong desire to defend it to the last man. "Hey Ahri, this might sound really childish but that's kinda… well, my spot." The kumiho swished her tails drinking her wine at a pace that made Talon cringe. A few stools away Thresh shot him a look and mouthed 'abort!' "Er… what I meant was I need some advice."

"Hmm… why not? But I have a match in five so I can't talk for too long." Talon shuffled a bit unsure of what to do without his bar stool as Ahri's golden eyes bored into his.

"Um… it's about Quinn. I don't know what to do for her for Valentine's Day." Ahri sighed, her tails curling slightly at the ends.

"Alright, this will sound very corny, especially coming form me but if I where Quinn I'd just want to spend the day with you. Just taking the time out of stabbing people for Swain and fighting tremendously important battles over world politics would mean more than any gift no matter the value." Talon stared at her. Behind the kumiho his friend mimicked the gesture head slightly cocked to the left entirely unsure of how to react to Ahri's miniature speech. She checked the large clock positioned above the bar before turning to Talon.

"Seat's all yours, wish me luck boys!" Talon took his seat as Thresh downed his glass skull contorted into a goofy grin that was frankly far more threatening than his normal expression of pure malice (Syndra had once described Thresh's current expression as giving poros seizers and killing rainbows).

"Now that you know what to do for Quinn we should probably spend any money you may have allocated for a gift on a lot of celebratory booze!" The specter turned to the other patrons, arms raised high as though he were a preacher proclaiming the word of his god. "Next round's on Talon!" Talon's head dropped to the counter lacking the energy for a bar fight and knowing that the warden would never let him say no to his crazed schemes. _I'm so screwed…_

* * *

She could have sworn the rodent seated on her couch had just said singed had made him a love potion that he had accidentally missed when trying to hit Oriana, who last the therapist had checked was a robot and thus would be unaffected by said potion. She exhaled pen dancing along her fingers in a practiced motion that even TF would have been jealous of (she had a lot of spare time recently). After a couple minutes of scrawling meaningless note to help her collect her thoughts she placed her pen in the neat bun of hair she had taken to wearing. "Twitch Oriana is a robot" She tried to place as much emphasis as possible on the word robot with making it sound offensive. "Potions don't affect her. If you want to ask her out you have to talk to her." Twitch twiddled his thumbs guilt painted across his greenish snout.

"Yeah I know it's just who wants to spend time with a rat?"

"Twitch, Oriana can't distinguish between champion species. You'll be fine. Just tell her instead of throwing possible harmful potions around the institute." Twitch nodded waving as he left for the Piltover wing. The therapist sighed as she peeked outside of the frosted glass door that separated the rooms.

"Hey Shrinky! I need to finish this sexual sensitivity training so Draaaven can get back to his sweet, sweet six-chic bed!" _He is never going to get through the training like this…_

* * *

Contrary to her job Quinn was not a morning person. If she could she would rather sleep until well past noon than go out on near suicidal scouting missions with Valor. "Morning babe…Talon?" squinting in the sunlight that filtered through the thin drapes she slowly made her way to the kitchen. The assassin was waiting for her a small bouquet of roses placed on the table.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Quinn looked at him for a second before registering what he had said.

"It's Valentine's Day? Oh shit… I completely forgot." She glanced back towards the bed room. "But i think i know how i can make it up to you..." Talon liked where this was going.

* * *

Twitch sat on the metal table legs swinging as his friends mused over his sorrowful tale (in both senses as Warwick had a very short attention span and being half dog/wolf had a predisposition for chasing tails) "Well I suppose that's life…sweeps you off your feet to kick you in the gut…" Singed turned producing four flasks of water (maybe, knowing Singed though chances were good it was not the cure for cancer).

"Screw women. To good friends!" he raised his flask high before downing it in one gulp. The other three eyed the chemist suspiciously as he handed them each a flask. Silence reigned until the machine herald's thickly accented voice cut the air.

"Singed, why are our drinks in flasks?" The chemist silently cursed himself.

"Well I…don't have anything else to put them in!" _Now drink you fools!_ The three shrugged and sipped the liquid from the flasks each dropping to the floor convulsing violently (with the exception of Viktor who, as more machine than man, was unaffected.) Singed smiled ear to ear clapping like a small child as his latest neurotoxin took effect. "Excruciating isn't it? Now if you'll just wait a bit I'll go grab the antidote that I left over…oh shit…hang on!" Viktor watched silently quite smug with his superior mechanical parts filtering out the toxin. _Yes Zaun is crazy_ he thought _but it is such a lovely and humane place! Anywhere else that would be animals squirming about._

**For those returning readers you will notice that some stuff has been switched around. While writing chapter 10 I noticed that there was a massive time gap between 7 and 9. thus the change. essentially Talon and Quinn have been dating longer and chapters will be back to the time of the year when they are posted. My bad. sorry for any confusion this has or may yet cause.**


	8. Les Artistes de Ramassage et le Renard

**Finished this one a bit early :) As I took a full extra day to edit this one and since my beta reader is back this should make up for the (lack of) quality of the previous few chapters. I love writing Draven. Enjoy! Thanks to tsuki for bringing up Jax which got me thinking about his role in the institute (security) that after some rambling to myself and a lot of nachos brought me to this. You sir/madam are worthy of a cookie. Sorry about the minimal Jax. He'll be kinda like Kayle as far as popping up every now and then.**

"Best go lock up Quinn." Talon sprayed his drink across the newly waxed counter of Gragas' bar at the Chain Warden's comment. He stared at his friend the horror triggered by his mind imagining what Thresh would do to his girlfriend very evident in his chocolate brown eyes. Upon realizing that the assassin was staring at him Thresh's skull contorted into a twisted mockery of surprise. "Not me! I meant you should lock her up, unless you think her loyal enough to you to resist the 'Jayce Face'." Now it was Talon's turn to look shocked. Quinn would never do that…at least he hoped. That aside Valor hated Jayce so the demacian eagle would surely prevent any sort of interaction between them. The rotund owner of the bar ambled over to where they were sitting to get a better view of the pickup artist at work. Unlike his competitor Jayce was a man of taste (as far as pickup artists went) selecting a single mark and making it his life's mission to give her the business. As the only one of the group with a stable relationship Talon was the least interested by far, the other two hinging on every move Jayce made. The Piltoverian was the suave king of the bar eyes scanning for a target worth his legendary skills. The three men began throwing in their six pence as to who would be the 'lucky girl'. The hypothesizing was ended when Jayce flashed a grin at Miss Fortune who pretended to ignore him (she didn't do a very good job of it). As he seemingly glided to the booth she occupied Gragas let out a groan head turning towards the growing roar outside.

"And then there were two." The specter and assassin turned to follow the bartender's gaze to the front door, a large crowd cheering outside as Draven burst into the room screaming at the top of his lungs, hands raised high. For Draven so long as the girl in question was at least a six on the hotness scale she was in for one heck of a night. He embodied the complete opposite of Jayce with his flashy style and boisterous control of the room (and just about every girl in it). The noxian's cruel eyes soon singled out Jayce sitting next to MF who was quite clearly enjoying the booth a lot more since he had sat down with two martinis (shaken not stirred) in hand. He stalked towards the booth as if to challenge the inventor for lordship over the bar (and of course its plentiful booty).Gragas motioned to Jax (he had been hired to keep everything in order) who readied his lamp post.

"Hey Jayce want to hear something hilarious?" Jayce ignored the executioner and continued talking to Miss Fortune arm wrapped around her like a lion standing over his kill to fend off the hyenas.

"Draven will take that as a yes. What's tall, handsome, and about to steal your girl?" The inventor sighed finally acknowledging the other man's presence.

"Go play your juvenile games elsewhere Draven. Sarah and I were having a lovely talk that I'm sure she'd like to get back to."

"Nope, it's DRAAAAAAVEN! Let's go babe." As he reached for MF he found Shock and Awe staring him down sending the noxian scurrying off to the other side of the room with his group of women trailing close behind. Jayce and the bounty hunter resumed their 'talk' while Jax positioned himself between the two men to prevent any bar fights from erupting. Not that it mattered much as a bar full of noxians was going to end in a fight but Jax would rather hold off the inevitable until some of the champs less inclined to bar fights left. As Gragas outlined his plans for a nightclub in Piltover Zed stepped from the shadows shoulders slumped from his last match.

"I swear the next match I have with Jinx I'm drowning her in the river." Gragas slid him his standard sake, the ninja removing the bottom half of his mask.

"Bad match?" Zed downed the drink in response.

"Felt as long as a noxian repair bill." Gragas slid him another drink as Jayce and MF left the bar. Jax wiped some sweat off his brow and joined the others at the counter Gragas sliding his bouncer a highball glass filled with vodka.

"First day without a bar fight in years." The Rabble Rouser shook his head in awe. "Then again I do love a good fight..." Talon dog-eared a page in his latest romance novel (noxians aren't known for breaking old habits) and punched Zed square in the face. The ninja responded with a vicious upper cut that knocked Talon off his stool and out cold. He then proceeded to wash down the blood from his split lip with more sake that Gragas happily provided (the Ionian never left his tab unpaid for more than a day, a rarity amongst champions). Thresh poured a glass of aged Demacian wine that was probably as old as the specter himself over Talon's head laughing hysterically as his friend gurgled up wine and blood. Jax just shook his head.

"Never pick a fight with a ninja." Gragas chucked his large belly heaving under the dark purple suit.

"Not much of a fight but I'll take it! Next round's on the house!"

* * *

The two men sat on opposite ends of a corner booth their voices hushed whispers so as not to scare their potential marks. Jayce sipped his martini (shaken not stirred) considering his rival's proposition.

"It's a deal Draven. But who's the mark?"

"I dunno kinda thought you'd figure that out." Jayce scanned the room looking for the right woman. It had to be an even contest so he made his choice fairly fast.

"How about Ahri?" Draven burst into laughter tears streaming down his face (Jayce did have to concede that the Glorious Executioner was an astounding actor).

"That seems a bit easy for the great DRAAAAAAVEN but if you insist." Jayce knew better than to fall for the noxian's ploy. Neither of them had ever had any luck with the kumiho no matter how hard they tried. This would decide who the greatest pickup artist in all of Valoran was. And that was clearly him.

* * *

She had never felt so sick in her entire life. Behind her Syndra leaned against the wall dark spheres dancing around her. "I figured you'd be a lightweight but this is a bit ridiculous." She paused to inspect her shirt before risking a glance at her friend. "Compared to you I'm a noxian infantryman sharing a pint with a demacian child!" The therapist validated her comment by leaning in over the toilet again. "There's only one way to fix this."

"A cold shower and a lot of coffee?"

"More alcohol. You won't get used to it unless you drink it. We'll do it like Zed and the Kinkou do that thing with poison, a bit every day until you can outdrink half the continent." The therapist turned her head back to the porcelain bowl that had been occupying her attention for so long.

"I think I'm going to be sick…"

"That's because you are. I'll go turn on the coffee maker."

* * *

Draven was feeling good as he sauntered in to the small shop labeled 'Sinful Succulence'. Inside its owners toiled constantly to ensure that every order placed was absolutely perfect and on time. He was met with a manly form of Pantheon behind the counter eyes glossing over the latest Journal as he manned the register. As soon as the door opened the rakoran had folded the journal and positioned himself behind the eternally stuffed register chef's hat balanced on top of his bronze helmet.."Welcome to Sinful Succulence. Oh, it's you. What would you like Draven?"

"Hmm… how about some luxurious chocolate cake? Draven's got a special recipient in mind."

"Yeah, no, I can't sell you that. Company policy. There is a sign out front and one up here." Panth pointed to a large sign in bold print that read

_Draven of Noxus / Jayce of Piltover is not to be sold any sort of aphrodisiac under any circumstances._

_-Morgana_

"You don't know the half of it. Morg told me that about 99% of our products and recipes contain aphrodisiacs for various champions within the league. Basically I can sell you this." Pantheon handed the noxian a small box labeled

_for: Draven _

_from: whoever is at the register_

_btw Jayce is hotter than you_

"It's some weird thing Morg cooked up as a sort of challenge to herself. Hopefully your friend likes whatever this is." Draven grumbled but took the box anyway. If Pantheon was right then he was sure to win and prove once and for all that he was not only the best looking man in Valoran but the best pickup artist too!

* * *

_Everyone gets rejected at some point you just need to get back up and try something new._ To be honest it was the first time his secret weapon the 'Jayce Face' had failed. _Getting back up is a bitch._ He downed his martini (shaken not stirred) and left the bar empty handed for the first time since joining the league.

* * *

Zed opened the letter from the order expecting some awful issue that demanded his immediate attention (last time his logistics officer had reported that they had run out of salt and he was unsure of how to get more). The courier, a falcon, hopped along the window sill as he opened the small scroll.

_We have managed to locate the box. Unfortunately it was captured by the Institute of War before we could move it from its resting place. Our spies within the Institute expect it to arrive tomorrow when it will be taken to the relic vault under guard. Sorry._

_-Scout Commander Yoni_

Zed was furious. He didn't bother writing a replay instead spending the rest of the afternoon scouting out possible routes and planning ways to steal the box from its guards. Instead of taking his usual place alongside his friends at the bar he silently prepared for the box. Knowing the curator to be a morning person (or jackal) he waited out the moonless night in the small overhang between the roof of the central hall and the pillars between which hung banners for each of the city states.

* * *

Jayce stared into the crowd eyes scanning for the black hair and ears along with the puffy white tales of the kumiho. Draven had rushed in after Ahri and was now searching hopelessly from within. How anyone could resist his famous 'Jayce Face' was still beyond him. He finally caught sight of her as she dashed between two summoners carrying a black and red box emblazoned with a strange symbol (Ionian probably) and waded into the mass of people that occupied the main hall in the early morning.

* * *

He leaned against the large pillar adorned with a demacian flag, blood red eyes scanning for the object he so longed for. A sudden glimpse of red and black in his peripheral vision became a beacon for his powers as the box finally came close enough to call out to its rightful master. _Get the box!_ Zed didn't need the reminder from his shadow as he had already begun to close the gap that separated him from his prize. Anything in his way either stepped aside or found themselves in close proximity with the boots of the wise as he forged a path through the dense crowds.

* * *

Normally Ahri wouldn't mind the extra attention. Unfortunately that attention happened to come from Draven and Jayce. Her ears swiveled relentlessly trying to pick out the two in the vast sea of purple robes.

"Hey babe. You ready for some Draven?"

"Back off Draven. Ahri is a lady not some hooker. She wants a gentleman, like me."

"Draven's a gentleman!" She needed some kind of out. Something to definitively tell those morons to back off (apparently fox fire to the face wasn't enough). And how better to do that that shoving a ninja in front of them?

_He had done it! The box was all…box? Why did he want a box?_ His shadow sensed the sudden confusion screeching in rage as it tried to force its way to the front of his now clouded mind. _NO! I won't let six years of searching end like this!_ Zed felt the lower half of his mask fall away as the strange confusion wormed its way into his conscious again the image of the box fading to the recesses of his mind to be replaced by something soft pressed against his lips. _The box can wait._

The two men hadn't realized Ahri had stopped listening to them bicker until Draven started staring off to the left. Jayce soon followed, his handsome face adorned with an expression of complete and total confusion. "I was beginning to think she was lesbian…"

"Ha Draven's bagged plenty of lesbians! But I'm not screwing with Zed."

"Agreed. New mark?"

"Yup. Draaaven's turn to pick cause you suck at this."

* * *

He didn't know what had gone wrong. No matter though as Nasus was eager to have it out of the vault anyway. The green light filtering through the bamboo leaves of the Ionian Garden had a soothing effect that made every problem he could imagine disappear with the gentle breeze. It was here in a forest like this that he had pioneered and honed some of the most deadly moves Kinkou masters had ever taught their students. Akali's shadow dance was one such move. He had shown her a primitive form of it while they were sparring as children. That was how most of the moves he created became a part of Kinkou doctrine. The soft crunch of someone walking down the winding gravel path reeled his mind back in from the depths of his memory. A gentle swish after each step told him who had happened on him meditating.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" He shook his head a strange feeling tugging at the back of his mind as Ahri sat down next to the spot he had occupied in silent thought for the past half hour. He had the sudden urge to lean over and…_No, he barely knew Ahri and yet…_ "I wanted to apologize for earlier." Now he remembered. He almost had the box when she had kissed him. The feeling in the back of his head grew a bit stronger at the memory. _Kill her._ _She will only stop us from getting the box!_ He quickly shoved both impulses back to the darkest corners of his mind. "You aren't mad at me, are you?" _Yes you are!_ His shadow was starting to get on his nerves. He opened one eye safely hidden by the red glow of his mask.

"It's fine, Ahri." She paused, golden eyes trailing up and down the ninja's torso.

"Are you sure? Kennen told me about the last time something like this happened." Last time his best friend since he was three had shoved a kama in his back and while it was over the same box it hardly compared to the beautiful kumiho kissing him.

"Yes Ahri I'm sure."

"So you won't mind if I do this?" _Yes! Yes you would mind! Quick make an excuse! Say you're gay! Do something! The box! Think about the box! Or violence! Or sake! Anything but her! _Zed silenced his shadow with the mental image of stuffing it in a lamp for a few days as Ahri removed the lower half of the menacing steel mask.

**And now Thresh can make some lovely puns. This pairing took me forever to get to. As for my logic for this the way I saw it there were 3 possible Zed pairings. Syndra (Zed sees her as an annoying little sister), Akali, and Ahri. Shen intervened and thus the only option remaining was Ahri. On a totally unrelated note Zed's shadow is really fun to mess around with (both in game and writing) Leave any ideas for a chapter (champ or ploty-thingy) in a review.**

**P.S. **For those returning readers you will notice that some stuff has been switched around. While writing chapter 10 I noticed that there was a massive time gap between 7 and 9. Thus the change. essentially Talon and Quinn have been dating longer and chapters will be back to the time of the year when they are posted. My bad. sorry for any confusion this has or may yet cause.****


	9. Unusual Entertainment

**That took way longer than it should have. Big thanks to WingsofRequiem whose fic League of Dating got me started for this chapter. Please R&amp;R and leave any suggestions in a review. Enjoy!**

"I'm so bored!" The therapist sighed placing her pen next to the finalized contract for the next four years (the fine print had stated that should she be dismembered, eaten alive, or go insane herself the contract was to be considered null which worried her a bit). Behind her Syndra floated lazily about juggling random objects (including the remote) and never staying on a channel for more than thirty seconds. "Cynthia I'm dying of boredom! You have to promise me that when I croak you will annoy Zed for the rest of his life and become a great midlaner and… I'M SO BORED!"

"Have you annoyed Zed? Or maybe you could go out in the gardens? Or hang out with some of the other champs?"

"Zed is like this close to killing me on sight, there's a blizzard outside, and all my friends are in a match right now or doing other stuff." The mage tossed the remote on the couch and retreated to her room to change her cloths for the umpteenth time that morning as the therapist began to stow her pen and paper for the treacherous journey upstairs. The soft click of metal on wood interrupted the women, Syndra immediately rushing for the door to greet whatever might help her with her boredom. "Ha! See? Boredom solved!" As she opened the door her triumphant grin faded to a quizzical frown.

"Zed? What are you doing here?" The ninja handed her a slip of paper neatly folded into a square so as to take up less pocket space. "What's this?"

"It's the bill. For my door. From eight months ago. The guys down at internal services are pretty crummy about the quick billing thing." Syndra stared at the paper in his hand before snatching it up and slamming the door in the ninja's face.

"Asshole. All I did was maybe kill one little door! It's not like he had any emotional attachment to it or it was a pet or something! Gods…how much is this for anyway? Oh shit, umm you wouldn't happen to have 500 gold lying around would you? I spent my spare salary on… stuff." The therapist raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the sudden color in the mages complexion. "What I spent it on is none of your damn business lady! Now give me your money!"

"I don't get paid again until my new contract is finalized." Depression washed over the mage's face a she reluctantly pocketed the bill and headed towards the elevator.

* * *

Adrenalin coursed through his veins the mad gunner spraying bullets into the dwindling wave of minions. He dashed through the brush narrowly avoiding the trap laid by Nidalee who was the cause of his sudden appearance on bot lane. Searing pain in his left arm announced the presence of a ward keeping vigilance in the brush nearby. "Hey Zed come on out and play! Hat Lady got shot and now I'm all alone!" Jinx gave the bushes a nice trim with a wave of lead pouring from the three barrels of Pow-Pow, the lunatic laughing manically as a bit more grass took on a deep red shade. "I always thought you'd bleed black Grill Face. Nah that's not right… Metal Head? Yeah, Metal Head it is! Let's see what's under the mask Metal Head!" She dropped her voice pulling the rocket launcher she had aptly named fishbones from her back. "I don't think that's a good idea Jinx, Zed might get angry!" She slapped the weapon before pulling zap from its holster and firing haphazardly into the brush. "You want angry fishbones? I'll give ya angry! Hey Metal Head, guess what I did to your precious little fox!" As soon as Zed shot from the brush pure hatred oozing from the red eyes of his mask she readied a special rocket. "Boom! Another kill for us eh fishbones?" Time seemed to slow down as the massive warhead screamed towards the Master of Shadows. Most champs would simply accept their fate or turn tail but something urged the ninja on, his summoner near shouting to make a run for it. As the missile was about to make contact with his cracked and charred armor Zed dropped to his knees, momentum carrying him under the weapon of mass destruction and launching him back into a sprint that morphed into a shadow cloaked assault on the wiry ADC. As he neared her his hand began to glow, red light converging in his palm as he rammed it into her stomach. _Fuck you._ She stared at the red glowing orb pulsing against her stomach, the realization of her predicament dawning on her right before the red orb gave way to a localized blast, vaporizing Jinx and her guns.

"Boom."

"What the bloody hell was that?" Zed shrugged wiping a bit of blood from the corner of his mouth and replacing his mask.

"I watched The Matrix way to many times." The sheriff returned the gesture turning her attention to last hitting the minions as Zed recalled.

* * *

Syndra scanned the large board that held all of the notices for champions and summoners alike searching for something, anything, to alleviate her extreme boredom. Every so often the therapist would point out one flyer or another, the mage rejecting each one, her demeanor becoming more and more sullen. "Let me guess…you're bored?" Syndra rested her chin in her palm a slight sigh the only sign that she had registered the kumiho's words.

"Ah, you know me too well Ahri…" The nine-tailed fox (one-tailed at the moment, the other eight culled around the first) giggled a sly smile spreading across her face.

"How about this?" Syndra took the small flyer off the wall skeptical eyes scanning over the plain sheet.

_Jayce's Dating Service_

_Find your brighter tomorrow today!_

This was followed by some minuscule print that none of them could make out. Syndra looked at the sheet pensively. "Why not, what do I have to lose anyway?

"Besides your dignity, not much."

* * *

"Why am I doing this?" Syndra rolled her eyes alternating between two equally revealing dresses, holding them in between the therapist and the mirror.

"I need entertainment not a date. Besides I like my dignity! Ugh I can't decide… I need a second opinion." Before the therapist could chime in that she was not entirely comfortable wearing either dress Syndra had rushed off dresses in hand to gods know where leaving the therapist to pull on her normal (and far more modest) clothing.

* * *

"ZED ZED ZED ZED ZED ZED ZED ZED!" _Maybe if I ignore her she'll run out of breath and pass out._ Suddenly a massive wrecking ball flew down from the ceiling of the gym and crushed the obnoxious mage to a pulp…at least in Zed's mind it did. The ninja sighed wishing that he had decided to practice in the gardens (Syndra didn't know about his small clearing in the Ionian section). Giving the punching bag one last half-hearted hit he turned to the floating mage who had turned slightly blue from lack of oxygen.

"WHAT?" Syndra smiled color returning to her face as she took a deep breath.

"Come with me."

"No."

"Please?"

"No. Go away." Sighing she lifted her arms eyes glowing purple as the very startled ninja was levitated a good six inches off the floor and floated to her room, arms crossed in an attempt to retain any shred of dignity left.

* * *

"I hate you." Syndra patted the ninja on the head, his shadow slapping her hand away and glaring death at the mage.

"The less you struggle the faster this will be over." She checked the ropes holding her irate friend to his chair one last time before disappearing into the therapist's bedroom. _Why does it feel like we're about to be violated? Don't worry I have a plan and also there is no 'we'. I'm the only one with a physical body here pal!_

"Ok all set!" Syndra dragged her blushing roommate towards where the ninja had been (emphasis on had). In his place amongst the untouched ropes lay a small note written in an arcing hand that read

_Nice Try_

"Wait, how did he- " Zed caught the mage as she fell back setting her on the therapist's bed a smug gleam in the red lenses of his mask. He then proceeded to rummage through the shocked therapist's closet every so often pulling out clothing and inspecting it before settling on a (much less revealing) black dress and tossing it at the therapist.

"Wear this. Oh and when she wakes up punch her in the face for me ok?" The therapist just stared at Zed who after an awkward moment of waiting for a response shrugged and disappeared in his typical way melting into the shadow he cast on the wall.

* * *

"Good evening ladies and gentleme-…er…champions and summoners!" Jayce scanned the tables set up for the event deeply regretting this latest drunken bet with Vi, the pinkette smirking just off stage as he fidgeted with his bow tie. "We will be rotating every ten minutes so please keep that in mind. Also complementary wine will be provided."

_I'm definitely asking Zed next time something like this comes up. _Images of Zed's response to Syndra constantly bothering him came to mind causing the therapist to quickly dismiss the idea instead searching the tables for Syndra's name card. She finally found it opposite the Chain Warden who looked very uncomfortable being where he was. He stared at her she sat down. "How did you end up here?"

"Me? Oh I'm Syndra's entertainment for the night. You?"

"I bet Talon he couldn't find a midlaner that could knock me out with one punch." He pointed to the fracture lines along his lower mandible. "Forgot about Zed. Frankly though I'm lucky Akali doesn't drink…"

"Nice. How is Talon I haven't seen much of him lately."

"That's because he's in the ICU after that bar fight last night. Lord Mordekaiser decked his scrawny ass when he bumped into Sona." The warden sipped his drink, malicious grin spreading across his skull. "It was lovely! I do feel a bit bad for Quinn though… not really. This isn't too bad." The therapist shrugged sipping her glass of wine. "I'm so glad Elise isn't here." he lowered his voice a bit and sat back in his chair. "That bitch has had it in for me since I stepped on a spider in the Shadow Isles wing."

"Elise is right over there." Thresh's skull turned, eye sockets pointed at the spider queen his magically altered bones sagging as though to frown.

"Well then I'm fucked. Nice to see you outside of mandated therapy." Jayce signaled for the participants to rotate, the therapist exchanging a sadistic specter for a massive void monster.

"Good day to you madam." Cho' Gath bowed offering the therapist a seat, his ill-fitting suit and top hat quite odd for such a terrifying monster. _Well at least its Cho and not Kha…_ her last run in with the Void Reaver had ended in her near decapitation were it not for Jax's timely intervention. As it turned out Cho' Gath was quite gentlemanly and the therapist was a bit disappointed when the Terror of the Void had to leave on urgent business (Kog' Maw had eaten someone again).

* * *

She wished he would just keel over already but years of giving long winded speeches on how awesome he was had made Draven near impervious to oxygen loss. Luckily she had recently taken self-defense lessons from Akali…

* * *

"Ha there's my lovey hero! Nice dress by the way."

"Thanks. I'm starting to see why Zed dislikes you so much." Syndra pouted, the gleam in her eyes betraying her joy at her friend's sullen attitude.

"I take it the speed dating didn't go well?"

"I think I broke my hand…" Syndra laughed watching Draven massaging his jaw as he exited the room casting furtive glances in their direction.

"Good job! Cynthia, For your service to the Institute of War your drink (water of course) is on me tonight!


	10. Klutzy Spiders Die Young

**Well I am just cranking out chapters this week ( dental surgery gave me a lot of time to write)... It's early update time folks or as I like to call it let's see how long Orbital can wait to post the next chapter!(for those of you who wish to play this was finished on 9/14/2014) Thanks to the guest who reviewed chapter 3 on August 11th for suggesting Thresh and Lucian. Completely unrelated but this is the longest chapter yet coming in at just under 3k words (four away to be exact). As always please R&amp;R and leave your suggestion in a review. Enjoy :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I own no part of Riot Games nor the game League of Legends or any of it's characters. (figured I'd just put that every ten chapters to be safe)**

Something smelled…different. Ahri stretched her arms the sun bathing her still dreary form as she slid out of bed. "What's burning?" Zed turned to her spatula in hand and glanced at the table which was still covered in three a.m.'s hard work.

"Pancakes and explosives?" Of course when he said that what he meant was a lot of burned stuff and some Ziggs-grade weaponry. Zed was not much good at cooking except for the afore mentioned pancakes and their close cousin, waffles (which had their own lovely contraption to do it for him and thus he was a master of waffle making). The same was true with hextech, his recent experiments the child of recent acquisitions by the Order of Shadows. Ahri on the other hand (being a fox for so long and not eating much aside from raw meat which at the time tasted pretty good but seemed to have lost its charm lately) had taken great interest in the culinary arts of Valoran, exhibiting such skill that Pantheon and Morgana had offered her a job with them (Ahri had declined as she was never really interested in cooking professionally).

"Maybe you should leave that to me." Zed sighed passing her the slightly melted spatula. "This won't explode, will it?" Ahri gestured to the table covered in chunks of metal, glowing liquids, and tiny hextech parts along with a few non mangled palm-sized explosives.

"We bought a lot of stuff off Viktor and Singed. Uh…no thanks I'll eat standing up. I'm still a bit jittery with chairs after what happened yesterday." Ahri raised an eyebrow as Zed cleared the last of his equipment off the small table setting it for one. "Syndra tied me to a chair when I refused to help her pick a dress for Cynthia." The kumiho tried (unsuccessfully) to suppress her laughter at Zed's confession his face turning a deep red.

"It's too bad she didn't keep you that way. I could have had some fun." She drew a finger down his chest(plate as he was wearing his armor but the effect was the same), the look on the ninja's face absolutely priceless. _If it's any consolation I think I know what she means by 'fun'. Piss off! It would serve you well to remember which of us can be stuffed in a light bulb buddy! Heh touchy are we. From past experience- I swear if you say anything about what happened in Noxus I'll drop your ass so hard you'll find your sorry self on the first fucking floor! _His shadow crossed its arms on the floor head turned to profile. Some days the Master of Shadows questioned the legitimacy of his title very much.

* * *

It felt good to stretch his arms again. Breathing still hurt a bit but Shen had said it would heal with time. Alcohol helped to dull the pain as well and being Noxian Talon had no problem draining Gragas of his stock. Sure Noxus would be paying off tabs for the next couple decades but that was a problem for the politicians not assassins. No, he just drank the booze. Thresh sat next to him in his usual stool sipping his ancient wine skull twisted into a frown. "Lord Mordekaiser will be on tour with Karthus and Yorick and has thus seen fit to put me in charge of the Shadow Isles for a week. Glad to see you out of the ICU by the way."

"Ah it wasn't so bad. Have you seen Akali's uniform? I'd- what?" Thresh winced jerking his skull to try to alert the assassin of his likely soon to be murderer. "And Quinn is standing behind me isn't she." The specter nodded shying away from Talon's enraged girlfriend. _Well this is how I die._ "I-uh didn't mean it like that babe, I just, uh…"

"Thresh have you seen Morde recently?" The two men glanced at each other Talon shrugging at Thresh's quizzical expression.

"He should be practicing with the rest of Pentakill… I think they are in the Shadow Isles wing."

"Thanks. Oh and Talon you can look just don't touch." Quinn shot him a smile that seemed to finish her sentence with 'cause I'll gut you where you stand and stuff your innards back down your pathetic throat' the color draining from Talon's face as she strode to the doors.

"Well I'm off to go rule the undead. See you in a week."

"Yeah. Good luck." The specter nodded tossing some change in the general direction of the counter before trudging to the portal leading to the Shadow Isles.

* * *

All hell broke loose in the now very empty seeming throne room of the massive decayed citadel that stood in the center of the largest of the Shadow Isles. Seated smugly on the massive marble throne Thresh tented his fingers before addressing his new underlings. "This is bullshit Thresh! When Mordekaiser returns ill ensure that you're made my slave!"

"Silence! Elise my dear please don't get so upset for you see I don't give a rats arse what you think! I am lord of the Shadow Isles per Mordekaiser's instruction and your insectiod ego can deal with that!" He flourished his hook maniacal laughter echoing through the halls as he turned to Hecarim. "My good friend would you mind escorting this bitch out of my castle? I have important work to do and she's oh so annoying. There's a sugar cube in it if you want." The centaur sighed hefting his lance and prodding the Spider Queen out of the titanic structure muttering a quick sorry with every jab. "Damn this wine cellar is LOADED! Hec my man we are set for life!" The Shadow of War set down his lance and walked over to the insane warden who stretched his skeletal limbs.

" Don't forget this is only until Lord Mordekaiser returns with Yorick and Karthus. You are not so high and mighty Thresh and it would serve you to remember that."

"Well aren't you a downer General. And besides me and Elise are about even as far as the hierarchy goes. And if that bitch doesn't like what I'm doing I'll squash some more spiders and toss them in her food!" The general of the Shadow Isles groaned his armor clanking as he paced about the massive vine covered hall.

"You going to get yourself exorcised one of these days."

"And then Mordekaiser will bring me right back! I am quite important after all, souls don't torture themselves!"

"What you are, warden is delusional."

* * *

_Damn that monster… _The massive spider that was Elise crawled along her myriad webs inside of an abandoned cavern, paintings depicting ancient life still etching small slivers of color on the otherwise bleak rocks. All around her cocoons containing those foolish enough to attempt to slay the Spider Queen (Demacian mostly. That city-state seemed to breed morons) lay waiting for the mood to strike her at which point she would drain her captives dry and turn their souls over to Thresh for torture and their bodies to Yorick for embalming which would then find their way to Karthus for reanimation. In the far rear of the cave system lay that fat oaf Vilemaw whose venom maintained her alluring human form. _I ought to let it starve down there… but I do love staying young…Perhaps the league would be willing to negotiate some sort of magical alternative. _All in all the past few days had gone as usual for a champion of the Shadow Isles. Thresh had been beyond intolerable the day before and thus she had resolved to stay in her home for the day to sort out her vengeance on the sick, twisted bastard. The pacing about was helping until she made a slight misstep, the razor sharp claw sliding in a moment of distraction and sending the spider tumbling down into her webbing, caught like a rat in a trap. After thrashing about for what seemed like an eternity she attempted to change form in hopes of untangling her smaller human self from the sticky lines. Unfortunately this only pulled the webbing closer to her and with her weight no longer spread along the already weakened webbing the part she had been gnawing on in spider form gave way, plastering her against the wall of the cave facing the entrance to the temple she had ordered constructed upon her rise to power over this part of the island chain. _A spider caught in her own web… what a way to die. I shall be the laughing stock of the islands for all eternity._ A strange sound escaped her lips not unlike those which her tributes to Vilemaw had uttered as they regarded their cold priestess with pleading eyes. As the feeling of despair settled in, bladed arms pinned to her back, a small drop of water slid down her cheek, the new sensation eliciting more until a small puddle formed beneath the elegant queen. _No this is not the end; I'm sure someone will come by eventually. Maybe…_ "Oh my, what do we have here?" _No, this can't be happening! This must be a nightmare. Soon I shall awaken and it will all be but a distant memory._ Thresh smiled the unsettling gesture drawing more tears from the spider. "My, my, Elise it appears you have fallen into your own webs…how lovely! I was going to come here to apologize for my behavior yesterday but I believe I shall instead sit here and gloat a bit. Do kindly stick around while I pillage your cupboard hmm?" After a bit the specter poked his flaming skull from the entrance to another room a frown twisting his bones. "What do you eat? There is nothing here except these god awful webs and putrid cocoons… If you are wondering why I feel the need to further your torment you should know that I am still not in the least bit over how you messed up my equipment… Ah ha! I believe I found your wine cellar… Hecarim won't let me into Lord Mordekaiser's stash whilst the latter is on tour so I shall have to make do with this horrid mess of a drink. Oh well it appears you have a lock on this…how odd." A thought suddenly sprung into the Spider Queen's distraught mind. Elise took a moment to let her tears dry up before, in as seductive a voice as she could, spoke to her power-mad colleague.

"Oh Thresh, if you cut me down I can give you the key to the wine cellar." The warden plopped himself down on a stalagmite chin in hand as though considering her offer.

"Tempting but I should think not my dear for I have already picked said lock and helped myself. I believe you were wailing pitifully when I left you so if you could continue with that…thank you!" As the hours passed, Elise soon running out of tears as well as any hope of rescue, the sounds of pitched battles against the hordes of undead that roamed the islands reached her ears. _Yes purifiers! Maybe I will live after all!_ Thresh noticed the glimmer of hope in his new toy and smirked malevolently. "Don't think we aren't in the same boat sister! You forget that you are a famed denizen of the Shadow Isles as well as I and that no matter how little you wear or what you may say any purifier worth his salt would pop you in the head without so much as a thought! And with that in mind, ciao! I, unlike you, have legs to move and a grave to avoid…Thank you kindly for your hospitality my dear and should you by some miracle survive I would like to announce that I have taken the liberty to sprinkle the legs of your kin all across the miserable excuses for meals that happen to reside in your cupboard. Arrivaderci mi amore and do try to get shot!" As the chuckling specter left fresh tears welled up in Elise's dry eyes her throat much to soar to utter anything more than an occasional sniffle.

* * *

"Damn these bastards just keep coming!" Lucian fired off a volley of shots into the approaching hoard as one of the two remaining purifiers reloaded his repeating crossbow, silver arrows catching the moonlight.

"Prioritize the Spider Queen! She's our target so save some strength for that ugly hag!" As Lucian dashed up the temple stairs a particularly fast undead reared up behind one of his men, bladed appendages slicing him apart before Lucian sent it back to the grave. "No, Wills! Stanton, keep them off of me! I'm going for the target!" The silver armored man nodded drawing a massive sword of the same element and whirling it around as the horde closed in on its prey, unholy screeches met with a cry of 'Come get some!' from the brother knight. It pained Lucian to see men like Stanton and Wills fall to these monsters but he had to stay focused. The Spider Queen must die…no matter the cost.

* * *

Inside the temple smelled worse than any hive of undead he had had the misfortune to encounter. Thankfully even the horde seemed afraid of the web coated lair dispersing after Stanton succumbed to their superior numbers, many falling from silver poisoning even after the valiant knight had been torn to shreds. Lucian thanked the gods for sparing Stanton the horror of resurrection the holy seals Lucian etched onto his corpse keeping the Island's vile power at bay. As he ventured further into the chilling abode of the Spider Queen he heard a strange sound echoing off the walls. "Hello?" Urged on by the possibility of saving someone from the clutches of the monster that ruled this land he dashed forward blasts of light slicing through the elaborate maze of webbing set up by the cavern's inhabitant. Eventually he came upon the ensnared form of a beautiful woman caught by the Spider Queen (he reasoned that the undead monster must have been preparing her for sacrifice to her warped god due to the proximity of the captive to some ritual instruments he would rather not think about at length). "Hang on I'll get you free." Lacking any sort of blade of his own he instead opted for a ritual knife lying on an alter nearby. The fell weapon burned his flesh as he cut through the though cords that had pinned her to the wall his face contorted with pain. As she fell free he caught her dropping the cursed blade and holding the woman tight. The thought that he had seen this woman before danced across his mind but he quickly dismissed it. "You're safe now… I got you." She embraced him long, bladed appendages gingerly pressed against his back causing him to shiver, realizing his error.

"My hero! Thank you." Now he knew where he had seen her before… the Fields of Justice. Lucian, the Purifier, sworn enemy of the Shadow Isles and all its inhabitants had saved Elise, one of the most powerful and deadly monsters to spring from those cursed lands from certain demise. He was starting to feel a bit sick.

* * *

"And that is why I am here." The therapist adjusted her glasses, chewing pensively on her lower lip.

"That's pretty screwed up."

"Yeah…you don't think she might, you know, have a thing for me now…do you?"

"Suffice to say you're doomed." Lucian groaned rubbing the bridge of his nose as the therapist flipped through her notes on the session. "Well, have a nice day and I assume I will be seeing you again next week?" The purifier nodded still in shock over the whole ordeal.

**As for Thresh and Lucian interacting I know...and I apologize for getting your hopes up. Also Lucian x Elise? What the hell are you smoking Orbital? Umm...not sure...sorry about that. You guys can tell me if that should happen or not cause I have no clue why I did that...really I don't. So I guess just put your thoughts on the matter in a review or something?(I'm to lazy top set up a poll ;)**


	11. Hunting Foray

**Well as I said Lucian x Elise is up to you guys (place ye ballot for yea or nay in the reviews I will update this page to show current voting below) so I decided to do a chapter with my favorite toplaner. Ever since Aatrox got the heck nerfed out of him I have been playing a lot more champs on top with Gnar being my new main (I now jungle Aatrox along with Master Yi and Hecarim). Plus Gnar is super fun to write As always please R&amp;R and leave any champions you want to see in a chapter in a review.**

The hunter stalked his prey, moving silently through the vaulted halls of the great forest of marble and glass, his weapon ready waiting to capitalize on the slightest misstep by his elusive quarry. His prey halted head swiveling, alerted to a danger but unaware of its form. He crouched, claws ready, just as his mentor had taught him waiting for the perfect moment to spring on his prey. As the target neared the hunter's eyes narrowed in his hiding place, ears twitching slightly as a bit of excitement took root in his expression.

"Nyar!' Ahri sprung back narrowly avoiding her tiny assailant who had launched himself from behind one of the banners hanging in the great hall. The yordle smacked the ground with his boomerang and with a frustrated cry of "Wabbo!" wadded into the crowd to set up his next ambush, the kumiho giggling as the yordle wandered around the hall scouting out new spots (Rengar had promised to take him on a hunting trip in a week and Gnar had been practicing his takedowns on other champs ever since). Eventually Gnar settled for the Demacian wing's entrance crouching in front of the door as it swung open allowing the yordle access to new prey.

* * *

_Top lane sucks._ Talon was regretting getting pulled into this. Apparently someone had pushed someone else who squashed another person's garden gnome who complained to the league and that apparently warranted a (bronze level) match. He had expected to go mid but Kat had already taken that so he was forced to go top or dig knives out of his abdomen for the whole match. Their jungler Kha' Zix crouched nearby his wings fluttering slightly as he placed a sight ward in the brush near the river. "Something is off about this match…" Talon gave the Void Reaver a look of mock surprise.

"No shit we're fighting over someone's garden gnome!"

"Look at their team comp… Blitz and Janna…Viktor is their mid so Janna must be support and as Twitch is ADC and Warwick is jungling Blitzcrank must be toplane…" Talon smiled. The steam golem was nothing to scoff at but on the rift he was little threat without his team or a turret nearby.

"Easy kills! We got this. Wait…does Blitz look different to you?" Instead of the normal slightly awkward shape of the golem Blitzcrank seemed to have gained massive amounts of armor and boxes that attached to his back the rusted golden color traded for a menacing steel grey and red. His fists were adorned with odd tubes, power cables connecting from a recently added backpack to cases on his already deadly graspers. The golem moved with slow purposeful steps, its armored legs refitted for smother walking, razor sharp claws on the top ready to flip down and stabilize the golem. Zix chattered grinding his claws against each other as Talon made for the brush on the other side of the lane.

"Final systems check initiated…All systems are online. Blitzcrank 2.0 ready for combat." Zix initiated on the golem leaping into claw range, the void monster's blades slicing in deadly arcs that turned Blitz to scrap metal. At least it should have. The golem simply raised an arm, red light spewing forth in a shield shape to absorb Kha's blows, the mantis-thing falling back after realizing the futility of his assault. "Targeting matrix engaged." The canisters on the golem's shoulders swung up, the fronts falling away to reveal a spinning rack of missiles the sides of the canisters projecting a holographic warning for military-grade storm fury anti-armor missiles. "Targets acquired. Activating plasma cannons." Blitz raised his arms the metal on top parting to reveal massive guns powered by the cables running to the golem's backpack which promptly glowed a vibrant red. Talon looked to Zix who turned to him a panicked look on his face (well as panicked as a mantis-thing can look anyway).

"Yeah…nope!" Zix immediately cast his ult, the left missile canister turning to Talon as the jungler vanished from Blitz's line of fire. Talon swallowed hard blue recall circles forming at his feet. Not soon enough though, the first volley of plasma blasts obliterating the assassin leaving his turret open to Blitz's missiles.

_You have been slain! A turret has been destroyed! Double kill!_

"ZIX!"

Talon stared at Zix who tried to sink into the ground as best he could. Zix had walked right into a ward earning Blitz (whose new missiles were apparently global) a double kill and essentially losing the game with the not only super upgraded but know quite well fed Blitzcrank crushing all opposition and thus forcing two people somewhere in Valoran to pay for a new garden gnome and a funeral for the one they crushed. _Yes let it be known that on this day, five champions of the League of Legends were traumatized for life over a garden gnome. I hate my job._

* * *

Garen Crowngaurd was not the brightest bulb on the tree but he was a dedicated soldier of Demacia and any threat to his prince was a serious one. Even if said threat was that of a tiny yordle pouncing on Jarvan's back. And so Garen stood, eyes peeled in a highly Demacian fashion for any non-Demacian intruders in the Demacian (and thus best) wing. Unknown to the very Demacian knight a small yordle scampered past using the shadows (not very well) for cover as he had seen other champions do on the rift. Gnar rounded the corner a smug grin on his face as he scanned his surroundings. The whole of the Demacian wing was constructed of gleaming white marble with blue and gold trim on the banners and around the murals depicting Demacian victories Valoran over. Each door was built of stout Demacian oak wood and braced to the gleaming walls with gilded hinges, the nobs sharing the shining coat resulting in an air of opulence not unlike that of the royal palace in Demacia Proper. He waddled down the ornate halls eyes wide with awe. Gnar became so engrossed in the splendor around him that he almost bumped into an opening door. Fast thinking lead to the yordle crouching behind his new found cover, waiting for its occupant to step out. As soon as the armored boot hit the marble floor Gnar decided to call off his attack. "Garen vaht 'ave you done to ze training room? It iz a dizgrace! You left ze equipment everyvere! 'Ow am I zuposed to practice in such an environment? Vlean it up! Now! Go zou doddering fool!" The duelist sighed, thumb and forefinger pinched tight around the bridge of her nose as Garen dashed to clean up. "Iz zere anywhere wivout zuch idiots…" Gnar looked at Fiora his eyes catching on her frustrated expression.

"Reeshoova?" the duelist stumbled back taken by surprise by the somewhat stealthy yordle's sudden appearance.

"Ah! Oh it iz zeh yordle…aw you are zo cute." Gnar suddenly found himself lifted off the ground and squeezed against the duelist. This had not gone as planned. After Fiora let him go saluting Gnar with her rapier, a broad smile adorning her usually disapproving face, the latter attempting to follow suit, boomerang raised with a shout of "Demaglio!" thrown in for good measure Gnar scampered off to other uncharted (for him anyway) areas of the vast Institute.

* * *

This place was much warmer than some of the other rooms Gnar had trekked to in his search for worthy prey. As he slid past a slightly inebriated summoner the yordle once again found himself in awe. All around him water bubbled up from the rocks, steam rising into the air, the yordle trying in vain to grasp some of the strange substance and bring it home for careful study (or play depending on who one might ask). He observed another champion, Jayce maybe, (for Gnar it was hard to tell without the hammer) wrapped in a strange white garb around his waist section wade into the shallow water, a blissful expression sliding across his handsome face as the water engulfed him. Gnar had to try this. Scampering over to a rack of the white cloth he quickly wrapped his midsection (in truth the towel covered the whole of the tiny champion resulting in a mix between a dress and ghost costume) seeing himself in the glassy water the Missing Link could not help but repeat what he had heard Nocturn say so many times (although slightly slurred) Raising his paw and crunching them into claws the yordle put on his best Nocturn expression "Marmess!" After giggling on the stone floor for a few moments the hunter was reminded of his initial purpose and donning the guise of a great explorer (he placed the towel securely around himself in a fashion akin to the belt worn by Ezreal) venturing into an ancient Shuriman tomb he tip-toed towards the water his mouth agape as his boomerang (now the primary tool of his investigation) sunk to the bottom where it hit the glassy surface. "Onna Legga...Shagdovala!" The water remained still, clutching its new prize. Remembering what Rengar had told him about the sea he scanned the surface of the steamy hot springs. "Shargh?" A brief pause saw Gnar tentatively dipping a paw into the glassy surface. "Wabbo! Shubbanuffa!" That damned hot water was not going to take his boomerang! The yordle stepped back and with a loud cry of "Gnar kada!" leapt into the water to retrieve his prized possession.

* * *

Jayce loved the feeling of the hot springs, the water steaming into the cold September air soothing the latest bruises from a bar fight he had accidently gotten involved in the right side of his face swelling up where a laughing Mordekaiser had 'tapped' him fracturing his jaw and breaking his nose. Everything about the springs was soothing to the Defender of Tomorrow from the reddish rocks to the slight trail of bubbles winding their way through the pool. _Bubbles? Sweet, when did they add that? Hold on… you can't add bubbles to a natural hot spring…_ The diver immediately burst from the depths his enraged cry of "Raag!" echoing off of the cave that housed the hot springs.

"Gahhh! Gnar what the? Oh you found your boomerang huh?" The yordle babbled at the water smacking it with his weapon as shouting what probably amounted to curses of the most sever nature in his arcane tongue.

"Vigishu shagdovala ahanga!" The yordle promptly scurried out of the water shaking violently to dry off, casting hateful glares at the pool of clear water. "Goova!" Not bothering to consider how the yordle had managed to arrive in the hot springs in the first place Jayce sunk deeper in to the relaxing pool letting his troubles melt away.

* * *

It was only a glimpse but the prehistoric yordel was sure he had seen it. The white serpent had slithered around the corner. He sniffed the air, crouching on a rock in the gardens like a great buzzard watching its prey take its last breath. In this exercise (more copied from his mentor than of any real use to the yordle) He smelled three things. The first was the scent of his prey. It was delicate and smelled of the flowers in the most beautiful section of the gardens. Next was the smell of apples. The yordle loved those. The last scent though made him rear back face contorted into a growl, eyes pinched almost shut. "Marmess…" This was a very different sort of 'marmess' that that Nocturn so frequently referenced. While the darkness employed by his nightmarish friend was able to cover the hunter's movement this darkness was not so broad in nature. In fact the yordle highly doubted it to be natural at all. The feeling of a malicious entity matching his every move was not so alien a concept to the petite hunter and so, gathering leaves and threading them into his towel (which he had forgotten to return) in a manner that he had seen Rengar perform so as to camouflage a small building, the yordle prepared to face the 'marmess' that so opposed his catching that fluffy serpent.

* * *

"You wear too much clothing." Under normal circumstances Zed would have grunted , impaled the asshole that dared speak to him in such a manner on his impeccably kept blades, and stick his head on a spike outside of the order's door as a 'fuck you' to whoever may insult his choice to wear armor. This was not a normal scenario. Well perhaps Ahri practically ripping his clothes off had become a bit normal…still, it was not something that warranted his killing anyone. As she leaned into him, his mask long gone Ahri yelped tail flicking up to eye level revealing a small yordle with upturned canines clamped firmly around her fluffy appendage. A black gauntlet covered his mouth as Zed tried his best not to laugh at the yordle hunter chomping on Ahri's tail, his emerald eyes betraying their owner's mirth.

"The fuck are you laughing about? OW! Gnar get off of me!" The yordle complied suddenly couching and staring at Zed before coughing up some white fur.

"Marmess…" Looking at the kumiho for conformation that she had understood he quickly turned his attention to his fluffy white prey, chomping down as hard as he could in hopes of assisting the poor woman being assaulted by the monster. As she cried out in obvious pain he readied his boomerang to beat the foul creature into submission only to be hoisted in the air by the scruff of his neck babbling what may or may not have been obscenities at the living darkness now grasping him in place of its master who was convulsing with laughter on the rock Ahri had forced him against earlier.

"Zed put him down. Gnar! Those are my tails! See?" Ahri flicked her tails gesturing to the scruffy dust magnet that was attached to Gnar's backside. "You have one too. Go play with that." The yordle turned to stare at his rear only to find a scruffy tuft of fur attached. Forget the white beast! This one was far closer and clearly of a rarer variety thus better for his trophy collection. Yes by the time Rengar returned to take him on their trip he would show him the head of this scruffy beast! Gnar let lose a mighty shout and dove for his quarry as it flipped over him.

"Wabbo!" He was going to get it, no matter the cost!

**Poor Talon... as of now its 2-2 for Lucian x Elise so please tell me if that seems like a good pairing ( I may just end up making it one-sided if it ends in a tie). Why are Zed's eyes green? Not sure I guess I just got it in my head that Zed had green eyes under that mask of his.**


	12. Sand Castles and Stalkers

**Voting has concluded! With a solid 6-2 with a single write-in (I like your style YordleBro) Lucian x Elise will be happening. However not in this chapter. And it will be one-sided. Fear not though for the next chapter is in the works and should be up in about a week as I have school stuff to do that no matter how much I would rather it not, takes precedence over the writing of this fanfic. As always please R&amp;R and leave any comments/ ideas in a review. Enjoy!**

"In summery the Institute in its current state is a ticking time bomb. Any champion could snap at any moment. Case in point: Aatrox. After Teemo left for his own reasons the purple team jungler become so enraged he managed to break free of the dampening power of the rift while under the control of a high ranking summoner with over seventeen years of experience summoning high risk champions such as Aatrox. He then proceeded to destroy the outer and inner mid lane turrets with a single blow each and tanked the base turret for thirty minutes before destroying the nexus by glaring at it. Everyone at this institute, summoners included, needs some time off." The high council whispered while she sat down next to Kole who, as always, was giddy about being in front of the real power behind the league. After a few moments the member seated in the center of the half circle stood up.

"We shall grant all employees of the Institute of War a three week vacation paid for in whole by the Institute starting in two days. You are dismissed." _HELL YES! Vacation!_ _Where should I go? _Unbeknownst to the therapist a certain yordle lay in hiding under her chair thanking his invisibility and cursing a certain fuzzy foe.

_Soon, yes very soon…HAIL SHROOM!_

* * *

_When did it get so cold? Oh hell no! You have to train now get your lazy ass out of bed, rest is for the dead! Yeah, yeah tell it to Thresh. I'm only human you know. And besides Ahri's so warm...You get the hell up damn it! _Zed's expression hardened, his shadow shrinking slightly on the wall. _Who am I? Umm… the Master of Shadows. Exactly. What are you? An entity made of living darkness bound to your soul by an ancient scroll of unimaginable power? _Zed groaned mentally._ Layman's terms. A shadow? Exactly now shut the fuck up. As your master I order you to wake me up tomorrow as today I wish to curl up under these warm blankets with my beautiful girlfriend. _His shadow sighed but complied instead tidying up before polishing its master's blades a disgruntled look adorning its swirling black replica of Zed's face as the ninja wrapped himself around Ahri's slumbering form.

* * *

"How did it feel to punch Draven?" The therapist glanced up from her packing at Syndra who was still jumping up and down on her suitcase in an unsuccessful attempt to stuff as much as possible into it.

"To be honest, it kinda hurt." The mage finally resorted to slamming the suitcase against the wall and forcing the latches shut with an excessive amount of magic usage, the wall now in need of some (probably expensive) repair that would most likely not be coming out of Syndra's pocket. Personally the therapist preferred to pack more conservatively so as to leave room for any souvenirs she may happen to pick up on her trip. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Hmmm…some super fancy resort in Ionia. The way I see it the summoners owe us for all the indignities the put us through." The therapist nodded.

"At least it's not out of Zed's pocket like your last vacation." Syndra looked at her as though the therapist had accused her of murder.

"Hey he has a shit load of gold and nothing to do with it! I helped him!" _Tell that to the poor summoners that Zed hospitalized when they told him what you did._

"Mhmm. You ready yet?" Syndra checked her suitcase which looked as though a bump in the road would pop the latches off. The mage gave Cynthia a thumbs up and floated out the door, luggage in tow.

* * *

Talon had never packed for a vacation before. Generally Noxus kept its citizens busy with constant theft, mass killings, and other such wonderful pastimes. Consequently he had decided to pack for anything and ended up filling his suitcase that he and Quinn had bought earlier (neither of them got vacations it seemed) with a random assortment of items ranging from soap to a hand-held tactical ascension device. Valor had watched him, the demacian eagle occasionally squawking at objects that the Ionian government would not be particularly happy to see in a Noxian's suitcase and nodding sagely at those he approved of (the tactical ascension device had earned a disapproving look but little more). Apparently Ahri had convinced Zed to come along despite the likelihood of Syndra turning the trip into the ninja's worst nightmare so Talon was quite convinced that his suitcase would not be the oddest out of the bunch (knowing Zed a tactical ascension device would seem very benign to anyone who compared the two assassins' luggage). As he headed towards the portals Valor hopped to his shoulder holding the assassin's keys in his beak. "Thanks Val." Maybe some time off was just what Talon needed.

* * *

The yordle had followed the two hunters relatively undetected for some time now. Frankly the flora of the Kumungu jungles had done most of the work but following Rengar and Gnar was quite the feat none the less. In fact were Teemo not hell bent on recovering his position as cutest champion in the league the Swift Scout would have been in Ionia or Bandle City by now. He cursed the damn fool that had locked Gnar up in true ice and not slain him outright as the hunters dragged their latest kill to a small clearing where they set about the task of gutting and cooking it, Gnar babbling as Rengar hummed quietly to himself. Watching Gnar dance about and babble nonsensical jibberish reminded the yordle of the days when he wouldn't be kicked around like a sack of moldy potatoes for stealthing into the women's locker room after a match. He hated that bastard toplaner but Teemo would wait…for now.

* * *

Granted the portal to Ionia was better than the manual teleportation favored by summoners but the therapist still felt like she was going to throw up. How champions dealt with teleporting on a daily basis would forever elude her as yet another great mystery of the enigma that was the Institute of War. Each champion had brought varying amounts of luggage for the trip ranging from Zed's meticulously packed backpack (courtesy of his SKT1 skin) to Syndra's overstuffed travel set of four suitcases (the fourth being for anything she may happen to acquire). After walking a few blocks in the coastal city (it had sprung up in recent years to accommodate the vast amounts of tourists in the newly reconquered southern provinces) and checking in at the hotel each of the champions had gone their own way leaving the therapist to meander about the streets and shops, stopping in a small restaurant for lunch at around noon league time which was apparently six o'clock in Ionia and thus dinner time. Other champions would probably begin to arrive tomorrow (they had left early at Ahri's request) and thus bring the crowds of cheering fans (or booing mobs depending on a champion's reputation/affiliation) that often accompanied major matches or other such events. Deep down the therapist sort of hoped that none of the other champions would be staying in the same hotel after all when on the job it was often hard to remember what huge celebrities her patients really were and the media storms that followed the more popular ones.

* * *

Ahri loved the crowds that gathered where ever she went in Ionia but everyone needed privacy sometimes. And while the beach near the resort seemed to be a horrible place to look for such a thing champions such as Darius and Cho' Gath provided a seemingly impassible barrier for the hordes of cheering fans that otherwise swarmed the Ionian champs. Just walking between the hotel and the beach had seen her sign her name more times than she could count resulting in her tails (her pen had run out of ink and her hand was cramping horribly) sporting sticky black tips that seemed to rip the sand from the ground and permanently bond it to her once soft fur. Zed had laughed at her pointing out the small path that lead through the resort to the waterfront. As always Noxus and Demacia were at it again with the two leaders agreeing to settle their differences once and for all (no one believed that part) in a grand sand sculpture contest open to all factions. Clearly Jarvan reasoned the faction that could build the best sand sculpture was the best (and clearly Demacian) faction. Swain had agreed (but not to the Demacian part instead insisting that Noxus would prevail) and as the two assembled their troops and invited other factions to try their hand (Zed declining as he hated the sand and would prefer to stay as not-sandy as possible) Ahri looked to her fellow Ionian champions (the Kinkou had claimed their own little stake and begun brainstorming almost instantly leaving Karma and Irelia to rally the others behind their city-state's banner) who beckoned her over. "Good luck. I have some stuff I have to take care of. I'll be back by sunset."

"Promise?" the ninja leaned over, pressing his lips firmly against hers.

"Of course."

* * *

Rengar could have sworn that he had seen something rustle the brush below the blind he and Gnar had spent the past few mornings building. Despite his lack of experience and small stature the yordle was an industrious worker and eager to amass his own collection of trophies leading the tiny hunter to take on tasks some of the more physically powerful champions would cringe at with a broad smile and happy chatter. The pair had been tracking this latest beast for a few days now and both were itching for a fight, the thrill of the hunt rampant in their veins at the mere idea of such a creature that was able to kill their previous prey of a young drake that had wandered into the jungle. By the tracks it appeared to be some large feline however Rengar had never heard of such a beast that could slay a dragon (even if it was only a baby). Gnar had described a type of wild cat that had lived in his time that would consume whole villages of ancient yordles but noted that the tracks were not of the proper stride or size and dismissed the idea instead turning his attention to the traps that the Missing Link was still hard at work on. They had already set up and baited some less mobile traps around the immediate vicinity but knowing that this beast most likely had to have a large territory in order to feed itself they had begun preparations for a mobile operation of sorts packing their bags with only the essential gear and leaving the rest at their base (the blind they had finished that morning) that the hunters marked on their respective maps. As Rengar and Gnar split up the brush rustled slightly as the marksman pursued his chipper target, an evil grin spreading across his fluffy face.

* * *

The therapist was not sure that she was comfortable judging the single most important sandcastle building contest in all of Valoran's vast history. All along the beach various champions had set up shop, crowding around their plots of sand as though another team might attempt to steal their precious building material. She counted to ten in her head breathing deeply to calm her nerves. The team assembled in front of her consisted of

**Demacia**

Jarvan

Shyvana

Garen

Quinn

Xin Zhao

**Noxus**

Swain

Katarina

Talon

Darius

Riven

**Piltover**

Caitlyn

Jayce

Vi

Heimerdinger

Ezreal

**Zaun**

Singed

Viktor

Jinx

Janna

Warwick

**Shurima**

Azir

Nasus

Sivir

Renekton

Xerath

**Draven**

Draven

**Freljord**

Ashe

Lissandra

Tryndamere

Sejuani

Olaf

**Ionia**

Karma

Ahri

Master Yi

Lee Sin

Irelia

**Kinkou**

Shen

Kennen

Akali

Rammus

(She was not sure why Rammus joined the Kinkou team but the armordillo was dressed as a ninja so the Therapist allowed it)

"Ready? Three…Two…One… GO!" Immediately all of the teams (with the notable exception of Shurima) began clumping the sand into a sculpture, each toiling away as the sun began to dip low (except Shurima) some teams panicking as the contest's end came near( not Shurima, noooo way). Right before the sun dipped below the clear waters Azir, yawning as he set down the magazine he had been reading, raised his hand, a magnificent replica of all of the champions of the league in battle rising from the sand. Even his team looked stunned. At this point judging was a mere formality but in order to not upset some of the more...egotistical...champions (*cough* DRAVEN *cough*) she made her rounds 'hmm' -ing at each sculpture before pining the small blue ribbon on Azir's masterpiece, the regal falcon nodding politely. Draven looked horrified.

"Hey Shrinky! What the heck is this huh? My work is clearly better than that!" he gestured to what appeared to be a snowman made of wet sand with a spiky hairdo. "See? It's Sand Draven! Awesome, is it not?" Sand Draven suddenly turned, drift wood arm smacking the Glorious Executioner on the head as Azir stifled a chuckle. "WHAT? DID YOU JUST MAKE SAND DRAVEN HIT THE GREAT AND MIGHTY- Hey put Draven down!" Two sand soldiers immediately hoisted the Noxian up by his arms and carted him to the nearby pier, unceremoniously dropping the ADC in the water and dusting off their hands. Azir chuckled softly as the Noxian splashed onto shore his glorious hair and mustache plastered against his soaking wet face.

"Never cross an emperor." Draven muttered a string of curses and trudged up the small path as the other champions began to filter into the resort for the night. That is until Swain and Jarvan began arguing which eventually escalated (true to the Noxian way) into an all-out fistfight between the two nations. As neither side was sure who punched who first they simply grabbed the nearest Demacian/Noxian and punched them in the face. Most of the other champions just held back waiting to see who would have to be carried off to the hospital. By the end almost all of the Noxian and Demacian champions had some kind of major injury with the exception of Talon and Quinn who just looked a bit out of breath. Fiora had gloated (she had only received a black eye) and was thus silenced by an aggravated ascended falcon's very heavy staff. The emperor leading the rest of his ascended brethren (and the heir to the throne of Shurima) back to the resort mumbling about the 'stupidity of these arrogant mortals' Nasus agreeing in full as Xerath nodded sagely. Only Ahri remained her tails soaked but free from the sand that had clung to their tips watching the sun set.

**So this is basically the new update schedule. The next chapter should be up around October 3rd so long as I don't get slammed with any research papers.**


	13. Blue Ribbons with a Side of Murder

**This chapter is a bit on the shorter side but I finally managed to finish it. Sorry about the delays (school+going to New York eats a lot of writing time) As always don't forget to R&amp;R and please leave any suggestions in a review. Enjoy! :D**

Jayce was not happy about this assignment (especially since his last mission for the Piltoverian government had almost killed him). This time though instead of the president contacting him directly he had been sent a letter to go to the Gear and Wrench (his favorite pub in Piltover) and wait for a contact to appear. This reeked of Vi. Unfortunately the Defender of Tomorrow was in no place to question the wishes of his superiors as someone (Probably Caitlyn) had complained about his lack of respect for command on missions. All he had done was hit on her once, once! She should take it as a compliment not report him for… he really had no idea on what grounds she had reported him. The clouds that had darkened the sky since morning began to part and as his boots sloshed through the moonlit puddles it finally occurred to the inventor just how late it was. _Maybe I should just go home. Tell her the contact never showed…nah I can't do that to Cait._

* * *

Normally Noxians don't sing. Nor do they dance. However free booze warranted both as the patrons of Gragas's pub (Noxians included) cheered every new glass slid along the polished oak wood counter. Oktoberfest was the only time of year when champions such as Darius and Garen would stand side by side in rowdy, drunken song. Untill Gragas ran out of hooch. Then came the most glorious and destructive bar fight the whole year over. Last year alone over one million gold worth of damages were dealt by Noxians and Demacians slugging it out in the shopping area of the Institute of War. Generally Zed was not the type to get involved in such activities (aside from the occasional uppercut to the jaw of anyone dumb enough to try and take him on) and this year was no different. The ninja occupied his normal stool at the counter his drink, barely touched, sliding between his armored hands. Seeing a fellow champion not partaking in the merrymaking-soon-to-be-bar-fighting Gragas amble towards the sullen ninja as Jax plopped down in the next stool over. "Zed, come on! How am I supposed to win my bet with Jax if you aren't even gonna get in the fight?" The ninja smiled slightly, the red glow of his mask illuminating his drink.

"Don't worry someone's going to get their jaw fractured." The Grand Master downed his vodka.

"Then what's the problem kid? You got free booze and bones to break!" The ninja quickly finished his sake.

"Girl troubles?" A slight nod told the bartender all he needed to know. He nodded to the bouncer the latter quickly taking his place near the door to the bar to help escort those who needed to get out before champions like Mordekaiser and Darius started swinging.

"Something like that… Hang on." The bartender looked over the ninja's shoulder at the showy Noxian that was now in the sights of a very dangerous fist. Although to an onlooker it may seem that Zed was attempting to spare the poor woman Draven was flirting with the horrors of the Glorious Executioner the ninja's motives were much simple. Hit Draven. Gragas turned his attention to wiping the bar, whistling as Jax shelled out the forty gold Gragas had won.

"I really thought it was gonna be Kat that punched Draven…Gotta be careful of the quite ones, eh?"

* * *

As Jayce scanned the dimly lit bar for any possible contacts a stout man in a trench coat sporting a fedora and chewing nervously on a cigar rushed towards him. "Hey hey! If it ain't the Defenda of T'morruh. I feel safer already!" Jayce peered at the odd man who relinquished his hat as he led the champion outside. "Sorry 'bout the vague instructions…we spies got a lot of secrecy ta be keepin', ya know?" Jayce was stunned. The man looked just over fifty with a few greasy strands of hair pushed into a comb over. His skin was slightly greyed from lack of sunlight and judging by his pot belly and stout legs the 'spy' probably couldn't catch Jayce if the taller man was walking and the portly government agent was sprinting. "Ya not going in the bar tonight just hangin' out over here in the van." He gestured to a large white van labeled 'Robert and Sons Exterminators. Keeping the pests out!' parked nearby. "Im wearing dis wire, see?" He pulled open his coat to reveal a small hextech recorder strapped to his chest. "And if things get hairy you gotta come in and bust me outta there ok?" Jayce nodded stupidly as the portly man shoved him into the back of the van. "Our client is very…unwelcoming of unexpected visitors so don't do anything stupid k?" He slammed the door shut and shuffled over to the door of the Gear and Wrench.

* * *

Jayce rubbed the bridge of his nose his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the interior of the dirty little van. All of the ambient light was provided by a simple monitor linked to a near ancient computer that Jayce doubted would run any more than the simple recording software used by the portly spy. That was of course assuming that the thing even served more of a purpose than an overpriced lamp. The key board was covered in a sticky compound that smelled oddly of barbeque sauce mixed with a healthy dose of canned cheese, Jayce cringing as a strand of the nasty goo stretched each off his key strokes. A quick burst of static and the portly spy's wire went online just in time to hear a menacing metallic growl and clank of steel armor as whoever the government was hiring violently evicted the previous owner of the bar stool next to the portly man and sat down. The man ordered two glasses of vodka as the metallic growl announced that it preferred sake, the bar tender scrambling to find some of the Ionian drink. After some gurgling from the spy and two distinct clinks of glass on the polished steel of the bar counter the metal growl spoke.

"I was informed you need an assassin."

"Yeah. " The spy sounded like he might melt into a puddle of sweat sending Jayce reaching for his hammer. "We got this guy that needs whacking, yeah? And you seemed to be the best man for the job." A slight shuffling and the scratch of the Spy's coat being drawn back was all the evidence of an image changing hands that Jayce heard. In his head Jayce had already named the two men. The portly spy he named Lenny after an officer in the precinct that the spy reminded him of and the mysterious man with the steely voice he deemed Metal Mouth. _Oh shit I'm turning into Jinx…nah I just don't know them yet that's all. Yeah that's all…_Metal Mouth chuckled the noise barely audible over the wire's already failing connection. "Just, uh…name ya price and we can get this done."

"I will discuss price with your superiors." The scratching of Lenny's trench coat against the wire filled the recording. "Nice wire by the way." A clanking noise signified Metal Mouth exiting the bar as Lenny sighed relief evident in the quiet exhalation. The portly man rushed out of the bar just as Jayce was able to unstick the doors of the van.

"We're in! Yes! The president will be so proud of me! Thanks for the backup Jayce…man that guy gave me the heeby geebies…" the champion scratched his head as Lenny pulled himself into the front seat of the van and floored it, leaving the inventor to walk home.

* * *

Hooves thundered through the blue team jungle as the Shadow of War careened towards bot lane. Hecarim could have slowed down to check for wards in the brush near the river but his summoner knew the general too well and activated the ghost spell, the centaur roaring as he burst onto bot lane right behind the enemy ADC and jungler. With another shout undead cavalrymen rushed forward alongside him, the apparitions cloaked in the same unholy mist that surrounded his legs as he collided with Tristana and Elise, the ADC screaming as Hecarim ran her down and turned to the spider, pure joy plastered on his skull. Just as Elise switched to her human form Hecarim began gaining speed again, the sheer momentum and weight behind the centaur's charge throwing the spider off her legs, Hec laughing wildly as he spun his glave, an unsettling squelch reaching Thresh and Lucian who were positioned near the blue tower on bot lane waiting for the centaur's gank. The Chain Warden was the first to recover from his stupor addressing the prancing general in his whiniest tone possible. "Hhhheeeeccc…I didn't even get to harass Lucy and Spider Bitch!"

"Piss off Warden, you got your gank. Now kill that tower so I might get more blue ribbons!" Thresh face palmed as the general let lose another shout and charged off to bring insanely rapid doom to mid lane in search of his coveted blue ribbons (kills). Soon however Elise and Tristana had returned this time bringing Sona along (the Demacian's summoner had to take a leak and the support role had thus been filled by Elise until Sona's summoner returned) A cruel smile slid across Thresh's skull as he contemplated the look of sheer horror on Lucian's face. As Elise made for the bush Thresh threw his hook, catching on the spider queen's arm and dragging her towards the warden (who had ingeniously positioned himself behind Lucian). As she neared he quickly wound the chain around the two champions smiling evilly as Lucian tried his hardest to stay away from Elise's blissful gaze.

"Aww how adorable…" A sudden roar and the thundering of hooves pulled him from his fun as Hecarim crashed through the jungle behind the enemy turret barreling into Sona (Tristana had bailed as soon as Hec had left mid lane) and trampling the poor under leveled support. Thresh's skull sagged as the centaur charged forward, his spectral compatriots slamming into Elise for a double kill after more glave swinging and a few turret shots. The general planted his weapon in the dirt and trotted around it.

"Another blue ribbon for Hecarim!" Thresh just stared, his hook trailing along the ground as Hec mopped up the minions and pushed the outer tower. This was going to be a long match…

* * *

Assembled in the president's personal conference room were the eight most lethal assassin Piltover had to offer. Arrayed in hextech gear that made even the most advanced equipment used by the government and its insane enemy (Jinx) look like children playing with squirt guns the eight made a formidable group. As the president outlined the target parameters Jayce studied the men searching for the assassin that he had heard over Lenny's wire. As he scanned for the second time a dark shape leered over each assassin, pulling back their heads as they slit the other assassin's throats with shadow-like blades and giving the table a new crimson finish. The president looked horrified his flabby cheeks pale as a bleached sheet. He would have fainted soon if a dagger thrown from the dark hallway had not speed up the process, the rotund politician collapsing in his chair as the sheriff covered her thin lips with a dainty hand (at least that's how Jayce would have described her). Vi looked horrified and the inventor could feel a bit of bile rise in his throat as burning red eyes peered from the darkness of the hall leading to the conference room. Jayce very near fainted.

"I was expecting more…competition… oh well, I suppose that means the job's mine." Now he knew who the owner of the metallic voice was. On the low quality wire he was unsure but seeing the living darkness and the hate filled red eyes set into a terrifying silver mask he was positive. The sheriff nodded as she pulled the trash can close to her seat and leaned over it. Zed chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes."

* * *

Most of the time Thresh had better things to do than sit outside a doorway waiting for two of his least favorite people In the world to walk into his trap but today was rapidly becoming one of those days where the specter had nothing to do and would end up in the pub all day and thus he waited like his least favorite animal might wait for a fly. Talon was with Quinn at some fancy restaurant and Zed was…he had no idea but it mattered little to the undead warden as he soon spied Elise making her way through the Institute. Even if the purifier was nowhere to be found he could still bring a rise out of Elise.

_Stupid Thresh…oh no. _the spider queen was not in a good place right now. To one side Thresh leaned against a pillar swinging his hook nonchalantly and on the other Evelynn was scanning for her fellow jungler (most likely to mooch some free food). She spun on her heel (sort of) and made her way back towards the Shadow Isles wing, glancing over her shoulder to ensure that neither of her fellow champions has seen her. Eve was still scanning the crowds but Thresh had the look of a predator that just caught sight of a mortally wounded prey animal, his skull contorted into a smile that sent shivers down her spine. A sudden pain greeted her as she turned her head to face forward, smacking into another champion and ending up on her rear. _Please don't be Lucian…_ She tilted her head up squinting as though not seeing who it was would make it better. It didn't. The purifier shook his head slightly offering her a hand up. "Sorry about that. You ok?" She was sure that her face matched her hair at this point and, not trusting herself to speak, simply nodded yes turning to skirt Lucian only to find the chain Warden smirking malevolently in front of the massive doors to the Shadow Isles wing. Lucain appeared to pick up on the situation.

"Hey, um, if you want we can go for coffee or something?" She beamed at him the purifier reconsidering his ill-advised words. "Not like a date or anything just to get you away from Thresh." Elise nodded rapidly, her smile growing slightly as Thresh's skull contorted itself into a frown at the two champions' newfound ability to talk to each other (Sort of. Thresh had no idea as he was too far away to hear what they were saying).

**As I am totally brain dead from all the writing my English and Spanish teachers are making us do I need some suggestions for the next chapter. please leave an idea in a review so i can write the next chapter before the harrowing one I have planned. **

**P.S. We did it! 2 months ago this story was viewed by 1.5k visitors and had 3.9k views. In September this story got 2.1k visitors and 7k views! You guys are the best and all deserve a huge box of cookies!Unfortunately I ate them all. Sorry.**


	14. Blazing Yordles

**And another chapter hits the 3k one took a bit longer than it should have as I ended up rewriting it multiple times. Big thanks to guiche95 and Holy Smokes Batman for their ****suggestions. As for Swain he will be showing up soon... As always please R&amp;R and leave any sugestions or feedback in a review. Enjoy!**

It had been stupidly easy to kill the traitorous politician. So easy in fact that Zed, instead of feeling the adrenalin rush assassinations usually gave him he felt…bored. Thus he sat upon the roof of an unnamed building in the upper east side of Piltover with very little to do and with the portals closed for the night, no speedy way of travel to the Institute.

* * *

Quinn took aim as a solid thunk announced Talon's last throw. A second longer and the ranger depressed the trigger of her weapon, the miniature bolt slamming into the wooden target for what would have killed the poor battered plank had it been a real enemy. Behind the competitors stood Syndra, the mage tapping a pencil against her roommate's clipboard as she scored each target.

"Four and six." The ranger and assassin exchanged a quick glance as neither was entirely sure of what the mage was referring to. A quick shrug from Talon and they were back at their practice, Syndra furiously scratching out what she had written to start again. As Talon readied a knife a sudden swish followed by a thunk of a steel shuriken on wood and the sound of his pants hitting the dirt stopped him mid throw. Syndra covered her face with her 'borrowed' clipboard as Quinn snickered at the bright red assassin.

"ZED!" The perpetrator snorted, his mask doing little to conceal his mirth.

"You have to admit it was a nice shot though." He checked the target and upon seeing the near perfect bull's eye stormed off to get a new belt leaving the other three laughing hysterically at Talon pulling up his pants as he shuffled to the Noxian wing.

* * *

"Mhmm, and this one?" Teemo smirked, his fluffy face contorted into a clearly psychotic expression.

"DEAD GNAR!" The therapist sighed as she signed the 'containment due to total psychological meltdown' sheet and placed it in a small drop box on the wall.

"Alright Tee you're going to have to stay here a bit while I go get a few things." The therapist rushed out of the room, Draven whistling as she bolted out the door.

* * *

Kole loved his job. There was paperwork and paperwork and…some…more…paperwork? The summoner sighed, his thoughts traveling back to his days as a summoner on the rift. The ageless golden armored angel sitting in the corner of the room, helmet placed lightly in her lap, was not helping his nostalgia. Kole shook his head and picked up a new pen (the previous one being out of ink from all the paperwork) and was just about to sign a promotional form for another summoner when his door was thrown open, a much winded therapist bursting into the paperwork-pile sieged office. She took a second to catch her breath, the angel and high summoner glancing at each other. "Teemo…going…crazy…kill…Gnar!" Kole cocked his head slightly. "Teemo snapped and is going to kill Gnar!"

"Ohhhh wait, what? Kayle go with Cynthia! We can't let any champs get killed off the rift!" The angel nodded the two women rushing out of the paper filled office, Kayle brandishing her flame sword.

"Yo babe, don't hide what you got!" A quick whack on the head with the hilt of Kayle's flame sword silenced Draven as she and the therapist burst into the latter's office.

"Oh shit…Tee's gone." Kayle stopped just outside the door and picked up a small note writen in a shaky hand.

That bastard will pay! Hail shroom!

-Teemo

"I'll stop Satan, you go alert the council." The therapist nodded.

* * *

_Who could be knocking on my door at two a.m? Only I get to knock on people's doors at obscene hours! _Syndra rubbed her eyes, the bleary purple orbs taking a bit too long to get used to the darkness of her bedroom at two in the morning. _I swear if Kassadin forgot his keys again I will fucking kill him!_ She stumbled her way to the front door, her hands held blindly in front of her.

"What?"

"The council is asleep so I thought I'd warn you." Syndra stared at her roommate, confusion etched on her white hair framed face. _How does she look that good right when she wakes up?_

"What? Cynthia I-I don't know what you… talk…what?"

"Teemo wants to kill Gnar and as he is on your paintball team I thought you might care."

"HOLY SHIT! I need that fluffy little tank slayer for next year! Cynthia you have to stop Tee!"

"Wait, what? No! You're supposed to help me!" Syndra laughed at the therapist and slammed the door in her face, the mage's voice muffled by the thick wooden door.

"Yeah no. It's two in the morning! Now go forth my faithful minion and save our fluffy ally!" The therapist sighed rubbing the bridge of her nose. She was beginning to share Zed's dislike for the young mage.

* * *

Rengar strode to the wooden counter of the bar, its rotund owner ambling over to meet the hunter. "What'll it be Rengar?"

"A pint of milk-" The entire bar gasped, Gragas looking as though the Pride Stalker had just personally insulted him in the worst way imaginable. Rengar groaned. "For GNAR!" A resounding cry of 'Ohh' filled the bar as the afore mentioned yordle clambered onto a barstool. Gragas placed a pint of milk infront of him Gnar poking the glass before sniffing tentatively at the drink. Deciding that it seemed safe enough and seeing Rengar and the other patrons of the bar drinking from glasses like his the yordle sipped the odd liquid.

"Onna Legga…Subbanuffa!" As Gragas turned to the small hunter Gnar smacked the glass down on the counter, a thick white line over his lips hinting at where the milk had gone so fast.

"Ok little guy slow down! I'll go get you some more." The door slammed open, the entire bar turning to the entrance.

"Gnar, I have finally found you! Prepare to die!" Gnar drained his new glass of milk before hopping off the barstool and walking to within a few steps of the scout. Teemo glared at him, Gnar puffing out his chest.

"Gnar kada, goova." With a shout Teemo launched himself at the prehistoric yordle, sending the two tumbling across the open space in the center of the bar. The ball of fluff finally broke with Teemo on top, rapidly punching the tailed yordle who raised his arms in a guard. Off to the side a certain conman's gears were turning at an unheard of pace. Twisted Fate shot up from his table and began to advertise his latest scheme.

"Fight of the year folks, Gnar vs Teemo, Teemo vs Gnar! Place your bets! Place your bets here! Starting at fifty gold! Place your bets!" As the champions shelled out their bets the supposed fighters had made little progress with Teemo seeming to have near infinite reserves of energy and Gnar just relaxing with his fists up. As Tee drew back for a heavy punch the smaller yordle dropped his guard, instead biting down hard on Tee's other arm, the recipient of the bite screeching in pain as Gnar pushed off with his stubby legs, the scout soaring over the crowd and out the window. A small battle cry followed, the tailed yordle exiting via the same rout as his foe. Jax turned to Gragas who was still staring out the broken window.

"That was the cutest bar fight I've ever seen…"

* * *

He had a strange feeling in his gut. It was the sort of feeling that always precluded Jayce getting hurt. Oddly enough he did not like that feeling. His instincts were proven correct when he saw just what Heimerdinger had called him down to the Piltover wing to help move. "What the heck is that?"

"It's a de-atomizer! Unfortunately it seems to be malfunctioning at the moment… so I'm moving it from my lab here to the Academy in Piltover where the oddities of the device can be further studied!" Jayce was not sure what a defunct de-atomizer might do to a handsome inventor, choosing to skirt the barrel of the massive cannon instead of picking it up from the handle bar placed beneath it and placing his grease stained hands under the case surrounding the main body of the gun. "Just be careful not to drop it…last time it de-atomized one of my turrets." Just as the two began to haul the prototype weapon a ball of fur rolled through the hextech doors of the Piltoverian hall, Teemo exploding from the sphere as Gnar dusted himself off, the scout's eyes falling on the de-atomizer.

* * *

The therapist didn't consider herself out of shape but keeping up with the yordles and Kayle was proving much more demanding that she had believed. In fact she had to stop and catch her breath as her winged compatriot dove after the ball of fur that the fighting yordles had created leaving her wishing desperately that she could fly.

* * *

Teemo had never seen a de-atomizer before but he was fairly sure that pointing the menacing barrel at Gnar and pulling the twin triggers would do something. Flipping over the head of a very confused inventor the scout pulled the triggers, a blinding white glow emanating from the barrel as the Piltoverians took cover. "Bye bye Gnar!" Pure satisfaction slid onto Tee's face as Gnar's eyes widened, the tailed yordle smirking as he realized that the white glow had not yet left the barrel. Tee let go, a blinding white blast shooting from the weapon as Gnar hit the deck revealing a very surprised angel. As the blast hit Teemo was tackled by Gnar, the prehistoric yordle forcing his foe to sprint for the door as the light faded.

* * *

As the blinding burst faded from her eyes, dark spots blurring her vision, Kayle felt a strange chill, as though she had stepped into the Freljord. Jayce and Heimer had dropped the machine, the latter looking very embarrassed, a steady stream of blood running from Jayce's nose as he stared at Kayle. "Remember how I said this de-atomizer was acting oddly…yeah, this is, umm…what I m-meant." Kayle looked down, instantly regretting the action as her face went bright red. Had the weapon been working properly she would have been split into trillions of atoms however due to an odd malfunction the weapon had simply de-atomized her armor, the now crimson angel wrapping herself in her wings as Jayce and Hiemer regained some measure of composure the younger inventor offering the Judicator his coat. The inventors turned away as Kayle slid the thick pilot's jacket on (backwards as her wings made it very hard for it to fit properly otherwise).

"Umm h-how much did you see?" Jayce scratched the back of his neck, Heimer uttering a worried 'hmm'.

"Let's just say enough to know you have nothing to be ashamed of." Heimer turned away knowing what was coming. Unfortunately Jayce's instincts about imminent pain were spot on, a bright red mark in the shape of Kayle's hand blossoming on his cheek. Heimer, assessing the situation and eager to keep himself out of the Judicator's line of fire attempted to cool things down.

"Err, what he meant was that you're an exceptionally beautiful woman and…err, I mean…" Kayle gave him a stare that almost convinced the yordle inventor that looks could kill. Luckily Jayce interrupted him before Heimer could earn himself a slap, the taste of iron still fresh in the Defender of Tomorrow's mouth

"Just uh, please bring my jacket back. I have matches this afternoon and I'd look a bit silly without it. Geeze I think you knocked a tooth out…" Heimer cringed expecting another slap or possibly the dreaded hilt smash that Draven so often received the angel instead blushing even more (frankly Heimer was worried Kayle might burst into flames with how red she was).

"Yeah…I'll bring it back soon; I uh, just need to get another set of armor on. Thank you." After the Judicator had left the Piltover wing Jayce turned to his mentor-turned-colleague, a dreamy look adorning his face as the two set down their deadly cargo.

"Beautiful eyes, well-toned thighs, and those pillowy lips…she's everything a guy could want."

"Kayle is not a de-atomizer."

"Yeah, true that. But she looks great after getting hit with one!" Heimer just shook his head. _At least,_ he thought, _Jayce is over Caitlyn..._

* * *

He could have sworn Teemo had gone this way. It smelled like shrooms and Gnar could see the specks of blood that had dropped from where an expertly executed boomerang throw had struck the scout's leg. Of course the little pain in the butt was nowhere to be seen, the dark halls of the Noxian wing providing extra cover from the hunter's gaze. The two combatants had lost their pursuers in the main hall the two women unable to locate the tiny gladiators beneath the myriad robes of passing summoners. A sudden rattling caught his attention. Gnar crept along the wall, his ears straining to pick up even the slightest sound. As he pushed the large steel door open the hunter was greeted by his adversary atop a massive cage sealed with pulsing red runes. "Hello Gnar. Remember Sion?"

"Tehmu shubbanuffa!" Tee grinned holding up small set of keys normally kept on the belt of a select few summoners.

"You're a hunter yeah? Well time to be the prey!" The scout plunged the keys into the lock of the cage, the massive undead beast known as Sion roaring triumph as the red runes shattered.

"Goova…" Teemo smiled tipping his helmet before turning invisible, Sion shattering the remains of the cage he had been kept in and pursuing the now fleeing Gnar.

* * *

_Lissandra is such a bitch…_ Screams and the sound of a mountain crumbling roused Trundle from his thoughts the troll stretching his arms and walking lazily towards the panic in hopes of some sort of profit from an otherwise terrible day. As Trundel neared the corner something small slammed head-first into his leg, the troll looking down to find a small fluffy yordle. _Damn I'm hungry…this one's a bit fluffy but hey, I deserve a snack!_ "Hello little guy…I've never eaten a fluffy yordle before…I bet you'll taste real good!"

"Wabbo ahanga Seon!" Trundle barely had time to think through the yordle's babbling when Sion came crashing through the frozen halls, Gnar bounding over the rushing slayer, his would-be predator not so lucky instead getting flattened as Sion halted his charge. Gnar had a moment while Sion reoriented himself to think and as such saw an opportunity to use his 'thinking stance' (After learning that Udyr could change his 'stance' to gain new powers the yordle had perfected on such stance to aid his thought process) which consisted of the yordle placing his right hand in his left armpit and supporting his chin with his left hand. Today however when he attempted to utilize his 'stance' a strange sound interrupted his thoughts.

*poot*

"Wabbo!" After looking around for the source of the odd noise Gnar once again attempted to heighten his mental prowess.

*poot*

A quick up and down motion of his left arm revealed what had happened and although the hunter was unsure of the specifics he was quite happy with the result, the yordle rolling around on the frozen stone floor laughing himself breathless. As he opened his eyes Gnar saw the grimacing face of Sion staring down at him. Thus knowing that the Noxian could crush him with his pinky alone Gnar resorted to the only distraction he had available.

*poot*

Sion stared.

*poot* *poot*

A smile crept across the ancient general's battle scarred face as Gnar sat up and continued his distraction, the Noxian soon attempting the feat as well resulting in a scene almost as odd as Thresh acting in a completely sane manner for more than a few moments.

* * *

_How the hell did he… never mind! I must slay that bastard right here and now!_ Teemo leapt from his hiding spot as Gnar waddled by, the tailed yordle dropping back allowing tee to sail over his head as he drew his boomerang. Remembering his fun with Sion the yordle shouted at the top of tiny lungs a phrase he had often heard Noxians say before doing something extremely badass. "Wud vor Moxus!" He crouched low, pushing off and leaping high above Teemo who through sheer fatigue and shock simply lay below him, arms raised protectively as Gnar began his decent, boomerang held high as though it were Darius's axe.

"STOP!" The yordle spun at the last second his boomerang colliding with the stones of the main hall. A few meters away the therapist sighed with relief, a now silver clad Kayle hovering behind her. "This madness ends here! Teemo, stop trying to kill Gnar. Sure his normal form may be cute but is Mega Gnar really that cute? And Gnar for shit's sake don't kill Tee just knock him out! No one wants to file all the paperwork that comes with a dead champion." Gnar nodded, his large ears sagging as he waddled past the two women, plucking a feather from Kayle's wing and grabbing a pen out of the therapist's pocket as he left for his home, the 'trophies' tucked securely under his arm alongside a slightly mangled map of the women's lockers drawn by Teemo. For his part Tee looked horribly offended as Kayle grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and carted him off to the seventh floor for a tribunal hearing for assaulting another champion.

* * *

"How'd it go?" The therapist collapsed into the corner booth at Gragas's pub, Syndra explaining to Ahri about her roommate's heroic quest to save the 'fluffy tank-slayer'. In the far corner TF counted his earnings from the fight. The kumiho rolled her eyes as Syndra described how clearly all credit should go to her for sending Cynthia to save Gnar in the first place Gragas bringing their drinks over as the triumphant yordle (still carrying his trophies) ordered some milk in his arcane babble from the bar.

**Kayle pairing? IDK you guys can decide this one too. There was a part with Lucian and Elise in this but this chapter got a bit long. I will put it in the next chapter. Maybe. A cookie for anyone who gets the reference in Jayce's description of Kayle to Heimer (Yes I got more). Having trouble? Replace 'eyes' with 'hair' (Jayce seems like the kind of guy who'd be more interested in a girl's eyes than her hair). Oh and think Nintendo. GL**


	15. How Not to Organize Your Closet

**RazorC you have your wish (sorta). **

"Maybe we don't have to kill all the users of black magic." Vayne's eyes narrowed. "Just hear me out! If the Institute of War is setting restrictions on the activities of the Shadow Isles then we don't have to kill any of the high-ups. Think of all the time that would save us!" Vayne leaned back in her chair, the Night Hunter smirking at her friend's confusion.

"You like her." Lucian looked shocked, the purifier almost spitting out his drink in surprise. "Oh please as if this could be anything else! You like Elise."

"No I don't! All I'm saying is that Mordekaiser is willing to create a sort of cease fire between the two of us and the Shadow Isles. Honestly after that shit with Hecarim I'm surprised they didn't just squash you like a bug!" Vayne rubbed her head wincing slightly as her fingers ran over the spot where Hec had smacked her with the flat of his glaive after she pumped the centaur full of silver bolts. 'That only works on werewolves you fool!' _What did he know?_

"Yes you do. And that's fine, if you're done fighting the undead for a while then ill agree to the cease fire so long as you two just get together already." She craned her neck Lucian looking confused again as Vayne watched the first floor of the shopping area within the Institute. "I thought Jayce retired…"

"What?" Turning his head Lucian saw the Defender of Tomorrow head into Sinful Succulence.

* * *

"Morning Jayce. Got anything in mind?" Jayce browsed the glass displays as Pantheon returned to his reading.

"Uh, actually I was wondering if Morgana is available. I wanted to ask her a question." Panth turned towards the small doors that separated the store from the actual bakery, his chef's hat sliding dangerously on the crest of his bronze helmet.

"MORG! JAYCE WANTS TO ASK YOU SOMETHING!" The fallen angel poked her head out from behind the doors her hands covering her pointed ears.

"Geez Panth I'm right here…What do you need Jayce?"

"Do you know what kind of dessert Kayle likes?" Pantheon dropped his newspaper. Truthfully Jayce was a bit freaked out by the expression on Morgana's face.

"Well I don't know…Only one way to find out!" The fallen angel sauntered over to the door her purple eyes quickly seeking out her sister. "Oh sister! Would you please come down here for just a quick second?" Kayle (who had been perched on top of a large statue surveying the crowd for any infractions on league rules) turned her golden helmet and after what Jayce assumed was a sigh (he was too far away to be sure) swopped down, landing in front of the bakery and folding her wings behind her as she entered. "This handsome gentleman would like to buy you something. Any preferences?" Jayce gave the angel a sheepish grin as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"You know as a sort of sorry for blasting your armor yesterday."

"Don't waste your gold." Pantheon shook his helmet as Morgana placed her hands on her hips. Kayle promptly turned and walked out of the shop.

"And people say Sej is cold…"

"Shut it Panth! Well, what are you still sitting around here for? Go after her Jayce!" On one hand the inventor was glad Morgana didn't want to kill him for wanting to get her sister some cake but at the same time something was nagging at him, that feeling that today was about to suck really bad. _Whatever…that's something I'll deal with later! _He dashed out the door barely catching the Judicator who had been stalled by Kog' Maw eating a shop display.

"Kayle! If you're not going to let me buy you some cake can I take you to a movie?" The angel turned and strode over to him in a way that reminded him of the new Sentinel III warmachines, terrifying yet oh, so beautiful (Of course the mechs were not half as fluid in their stride). As she took off her helmet, golden hair spilling down to her shoulders, Jayce could feel a tiny drop of blood inching down the inside of his nose.

"Alright." Jayce must have looked fairly ridiculous, the judicator smiling at him. "I've never been to a movie before…How's next week for you?" He blinked a few times before nodding, Kayle resuming her post and leaving Jayce to walk as fast as he could (while still looking a bit suave. Alright not really but he was trying very hard) towards the Piltover wing.

* * *

This was not a job meant for yordles. Ziggs and Heimer had already affixed wheels to the faulty de-atomizer but lugging it to the portals was still slow going. As they rounded the corner the yordles almost ran directly into Jayce, the inventor barely moving out of the massive cannon's way.

"Ah good morning Jayce! Would you mind doing us a favor whilst we are occupied at the Academy?" There was that feeling again. But Jayce ignored it, nothing was going to spoil his mood.

"Yeah sure thing Heimer! What do you need done?"

"We just need someone ta clean da storage room up a bit. Shouldn't take ya more den a few minutes."

"Yes, yes. Of course that is so long as you don't get yourself into any…trouble. There are a lot of dangerous things in that room and it would be a great injustice to Piltover for such a bright young mind to be snuffed out so soon!" Heimer shot an accusing glance at Ziggs on the word 'dangerous' the latter simply shrugging. "We will be back in a day or so. Good luck!"

"Yeah no problem…" _Shit._

* * *

The therapist was not in her best mood. Kole had asked her to address some of the champions' 'major issues'. As such her day had consisted of nearly getting cleaved in half by Sion, almost eaten by Kha' Zix, becoming Thresh's new mental plaything, and a relatively pleasant appointment with Shen who admitted that maybe killing Zed would not solve anything (Both seemed content to brutally slay his foe on the rift instead of reality). Her appointment with Riven had just been depressing and Mundo had simply shouted 'MUNDO GOES WHERE HE PLEASES!' and ran out of the room (through the wall). Vi was proving no different than the others, the combative pinket staring down the therapist in a way that made her wonder if Vi thought she was Jinx. "Listen shrink, I don't have anger problems." The therapist took a deep breath, wishing that Kayle or Jax was nearby in case things got ugly.

"Your report says otherwise…" She pulled the files from the Sheriff's office in Piltover out of a larger folder almost as big as Katarina's. "Seventy-six counts of police brutality, seventeen million gold in damages to private property, not including destroying the Steamler Building, and sixteen counts of assaulting a fellow champion." The Enforcer slammed her fist into the couch.

"That bitch had it coming!" The therapist sighed. At least the Enforcer's response had not been directed at her (or her end table).

"Why do you let her get to you like that? She's never going to actually kill either of you. Jinx just likes to screw with you because she knows she can get a response. Thresh is the same. Except he will legitimately kill you." Vi's head dropped, the pinket running a hand through her scalp.

"I don't know. I guess I just want to protect Cupcake. She means everything to me and I…I just…" the therapist sighed. Most champions, through either circumstance or personal preference gave the outside world a tough exterior, but even champs as horrible as Thresh had their squishy sides (the specter had once saved a kitten off the streets in Noxus. Granted he turned it into a ten foot tall undead monster that devoured a crowd of people in the slums before he could shove it into the Shadow Isles portal but it was the thought that mattered). For her it was just a matter of getting through the landmine infested battlefield of an exterior before she got eaten/mauled/killed in some other horrible way.

"It's ok Vi… But there are other ways you can protect Caitlyn without smashing through the foundations of a multi-billion gold skyscraper." The pinket nodded. " Well that's about all the time we have today so come back anytime you need to talk and please don't smash anyone's face in." Vi nodded, giving a startled therapist a hug before leaving the office.

"Yo shrinky! Ready for some Draaaaven?" The Glorious Executioner received a door shut in his face as an answer. "Yeah, well you'll come around! Just you wait! Draven always gets what he wants."

* * *

_If I die and go to heaven this is what it will look like…_ Jayce stood in the center of the newly cleaned and organized storage room, his eyes scanning for something to reward him for his hard work. He lingered on the hydraulic fist sitting in its neatly packed case but let his gaze wonder further determining long ago that should he get the chance of a life time to play around with whatever cool items may be in the Piltover storage room (commonly referred to as the vault) he should seek out the most badass toy of all. A glimpse of a twelve foot tall battle suit made of shining black steel with a blood red visor was all he needed to determine his prize. As he sauntered over to the crouching machine he ignored a sign in his peripheral vision labeled

Danger!

High Explosives

Instead hopping into the chest cavity that housed the pilot, his mind preoccupied with the idea of a massive mercury hammer wielding variation of what the pilot's manual called a 'Phantom II Heavy Battle Suit'. After glancing at the manual and fiddling about with the controls he found the machine drawing a huge combat knife from its shoulder. _Aww yeah! Bring it on Zuanite scum! FGreatest mech pilot in all of Valoran right here bitches!_ Ok maybe he was nowhere near the fighting expertise of a properly trained hextech mech pilot but Jayce could dream. And slash haphazardly at imaginary enemies with the vibro-knife (the manual had stated that the knife vibrated at such a rapid speed that it could cut almost any armor given enough time. All Jayce saw was blah blah awesome knife of doom blah). As he was about to finish off the final enemy with a twist of the knife red lights flared in the cockpit, a piercing alarm making him wish he had been wearing a helmet as he scanned the control panel and screens surrounding his seat. "High explosives detected. Imminent danger. Evade at all costs."

"Explosives? SHIT!" Now he saw the sign that had been hanging above a rack holding the largest hextech bomb Jayce had ever laid optics on. When he had first powered up the Phantom it had been supported by large metal pillars. _Well I guess this knife is crazy sharp after all…_He sprung from the cockpit and dashed to the warhead. After pacing for a bit he wrenched off the panel above the internal workings. _Ok I got this! Graduate of the Piltover Academy of Sciences right here! Should be a piece of…Oh shit._ He was greeted with a timer with what appeared to be three hours on it and a mess of wires. Cursing Ziggs he did a few quick rounds of enie meeny miny moe before settling on an important looking green wire and tugging hard. _FUCK!_ The timer quickly dropped thirty minutes, the inventor scampering away from the warhead to think the problem through. _Alright disarm a bomb…Ziggs! No, wait, he's in Piltover with Heimer! Shit, who else is good with hextech? Vi? Nah she'd never let me hear the end of this…Who else? Oh crap. Welp I guess I can kiss my poor life goodbye…_

* * *

"And that is why nerve gass is my favorite illegal bio weapon."

Viktor nodded as Twitch wiped his snout of a viscous liquid Singed had given to the rat.

"Personally I have always put my faith in the superior power of technology but to each his own." Suddenly the rat began convulsing violently, Singed begining to take notes as the heavy metal door rung with an array of frantic knocks. Seeing as the other were.. predisposed Viktor slowly opened the door, a sweaty inventor babbling uninteligently about a high yield runic bomb and pineapples. "Please repeat."

"I might have set off a bomb in the piltover wing

* * *

Viktor crouched near the device giving it a 'hmm' and a few mechanincal clicksas he glanced at each wire. "A modified fissure charge... I will need some items." Jayce gave him a confused look, the ninja sighing. "It is not an easy job, Piltoverian." The herald handed Jayce a list consisting of

A paper clip

Mundo's cleaver

Darius's axe

Katarina's knife

A voidling

A bottle cap

Sejuani's helmet

Gnar's boomerang

Six rubberbands

An orange

Garen's scarf

Jarvan 1st's crown

Zap

Shaco's left shoe

A camera

Cho' Gath's top hat

Blitzcrank's trench coat

Akali's mask

A bag of ice

Graves's coat

Jayce just stared. "How does this relate to disarming a bomb?" The Zuanite shrugged.

"Pehaps i should put it in terms your simplton brain can understand: This bomb has enough hexplosives in it to level the entire Institute of can get me my equipment and live or you can die in a fiery inferno."

"Fine but where am I supposed to find Jarvan Lightshield the First's crown?" Viktor tapped the bottom of his mask.

"It's Sion's lower jaw. May the gods have mercy on you." As Jayce trudged off he could have sworn he heard the Zuanite laughing._ Stupid jerk…_

* * *

He must have been going crazy because as Jayce trudged back into the Vault he could have sworn he could hear a Zuanite rhythm playing from where the bomb was. A loud crash signified his completion of the herculean task Viktor had sent him on, the cyborg Dancing in tandem with the Phantom II. As Jayce panted the other inventor finally turned his attention to the Piltoverian. "You are back! And not dead…Took you long enough I've been done for a few hours and had a lot of free time." He pointed to a mechanic's kit lying next to the now harmless weapon. Jayce was going to cry. He had been beat up and mauled too many times for what had started as such a great day to end on a note like this. "Congrats on getting the stuff now either start dancing or take your sulky attitude out of this room!"

"But I-I wah? I b-b-"


	16. Giant F-ing Robot Fight

**(3 days ago) Yes im almost done the new chapter! Well I sure was wrong about that! got slammed with a mini essay for English comparing Rip Van Wrinkle to the American Revolution :P That combined with Tech crew to completely fry my brain for the next day or so and thus I am updating essentially 1 day before Halloween. Sorry for the delay. As always please R&amp;R and leave any suggestions in a review.**

Thresh walked into the massive eroded hall of Mordekaiser's castle with his usual nonchalant air, his skull turning lazily as he observed the other champions of his homeland standing (or seated in Morde's case) around the cavernous throne room. He smirked at Karthus, the lich barely suppressing his rage at the Chain Warden's usual lateness. Elise examined her nails as his gaze fell on the queen,  
Evelynn staring daggers as the warden made a gesture that could be best equated to sticking out his nonexistent tongue. Satisfied that his enemies were sufficiently pissed off the warden took his spot between the Spider Queen and the Widow Maker, both women glaring hated his way as Thresh conjured a chair and table out of his lantern, kicking up his feet and sending a ghost to fetch him some wine as Mordekaiser sighed deeply. "As I was saying to the others, Thresh," The Paladin of Pain nearly spat out the warden's name causing Thresh to flinch slightly "We shall not be raiding Valoran this year." Hecarim gave a disgruntled snort but was rapidly silenced by a glare from his helmeted lord. "The League has requested to rent the Shadow Isles for a day to host a sort of party for the champions and summoners. Do any of you object to my decision?" Hec vented another snort but kept any disgruntled words to himself as Thresh stroked his lower mandible. The silence was finally broken by Evelynn who after posting her hands on her hips strode to the foot of Mordekaiser's crumbling throne.

"I take it you have developed a sense of humor my lord?" Thresh smirked at her insolence. Karthus quickly turned to his tome, Hecarim shaking his head as Mordekaiser turned to Eve.

"Are you questioning my rule over these islands Evelynn?" The Widow maker squeaked slightly as Morde leaned in close to her. "It would serve you to remember your status whore. You are little more than a wretched insect beneath my boot. I do hesitate to crush insects." As though to emphasize his point Mordekaiser gestured to the newly severed head of Vilemaw mounted above Mordekaiser's throne on a rusted pole, Elise turning a milky white as she saw it for the first time. "Yes Elise. You too are mortal now. That beast may have claimed godhood but its false words were of little power when I sought its head. No one challenges me. Especially not a pair of lowly mortal whores." The iron knight sat back in his throne as Thresh began to clap slowly, the specter rising from his ethereal seat as Hecarim facepalmed.

"Bravo my lord! However I see a slight problem with your plan to not raid Valoran." Mordekaiser's eyes flared with rage, his voice slipping back to the dangerous growl he had addressed Evelynn with.

"Oh? And what might be your idiotic observation warden?" Thresh just laughed spreading his arms and spilling a bit of the wine that occupied his glowing green glass.

"You'll love this, Morde old pal! It's legitimately relevant to the situation!" Mordekaiser's eyes grew slightly, the paladin expressing genuine interest in the insane warden's exhortations for the first time in at least a century.

"How exactly do you plan to contain all the wayward souls and such that spill out with the black mist?" Morde frowned under his helmet.

"That shall be your job along with Karthus. The two of you will conjure a barrier around the Isles when the black mist begins to spill forth." Eve looked like she was going to explode as Thresh bowed low a smug grin plastered on his fiery skull.

"I shall be honored my lord!" Mordekaiser looked slightly less pissed but Eve, Elise and Hecarim just looked suspiciously at the warden, remembering his antics from past events.

* * *

Quinn had never been so scared in her life. Talon was still whining about how she had probably broken his hand when the monster had leapt out at the screen but the ranger hardly noticed, her terror flooded mind fixating on the swirling darkness at his feet as a jet black hand crawled out of the floor and hauled an equally shadowy body out of the marble tiles outside the theater. As it turned blazing red eyes towards the ranger, clawed hand extending as though to grab her Quinn squealed practically leaping into Talon's arms, the assassin first startled then laughing out loud as he noticed Zed struggling to haul himself out of a swirling black portal on the floor behind them. "A bit of help here? Kog took a liking to my boot." The ninja bowed his masked head as though to shout at the floor. "Eat someone else you little shit! This is what I get for taking a goddamn walk…" He turned back to Talon (who was still holding Quinn) "So are you two going to stop awkwardly groping each other or do I have to pull my own ass out of Kog' Maw's mouth?" The ranger was still buried in Talon's chest, the assassin laughing as his friend's shadow sprang into action, pulling the ninja out of the portal with a wet slurping sound followed by the sorrowful chirping of the foiled voidling. "Screw you, you little bastard!" Talon just laughed as Quinn finally looked at what she had mistaken for some unspeakable monster.

"Zed what the hell!" The ninja rolled over giving Quinn the 'fuck you' look under his mask. Talon was subjected to another fit of laughter.

"I was almost eaten by fucking Kog' Maw and you're upset?"

"She watched a horror movie and nearly had a heart attack." Zed's shadow flashed its blades as the ninja stood up.

"Yeah cause I care so much. Wait was it that one with the shadow thingy?" Talon and Quinn nodded, the latter far more enthusiastically until her shadow clasped her ankle, the ranger squealing and leaping into Talon's arms again as Zed vanished into the shadow of the movie theater awning chuckling quietly. Quinn finally regained her composure just as Talon placed a quick kiss on her lips.

"What the hell is wrong with him?"

"No idea…"

* * *

Heimerdinger was getting a little annoyed. The problem was not so complicated but the inventor's constant praise of the Judicator and her choice in movies was driving him insane. "Jayce, would you please pass me my welding mask?" The Defender of Tomorrow looked confused as he passed the yordle the requested object.

"Why do you need a welding mask to solve an equation?"

"It helps me think when others just won't shut up!"

* * *

The fact that Thresh was happy about taking time away from whatever he spent most of his free time doing was disturbing enough but the warden actively helping to decorate his newly rebuilt castle for the party was setting off more warning alarms in Elise's head than she knew she had. Watching the specter gleefully toss the decorations Evelynn had picked out around the cavernous room; lost souls affixing them in their proper place around the vast stone building had only served to further Elise's suspicions, the Spider Queen stepping quietly down the massive curving stairs on either side of the balcony she had stood on. As she reached the bottom of the ornate stairs she felt the familiar chill of Thresh's gaze meeting hers, her hand wrenched from the golden railings as the warden pulled her to the center of the only properly maintained ballroom in the Shadow Isles. As she neared the warden dropped his hook, the weapon sliding back into the skull that held it at his side, the insane ghost forcing Elise into a starting position for a waltz, smiling at her discomfort. "Might I have this dance my dear Elise?" Seeing the spider's hesitation Thresh grinned, Elise becoming even more desperate to escape the madman. "Can I not be in a good mood?" As he spoke ghosts took up their places at the end of the hall creating a full symphony orchestra for the warden, the flames of his eyes dimming as the ghosts began to play, Thresh leading an, at first stiff, Spider Queen around the vast hall. Elise relaxed slightly as she realized that Thresh really had no ulterior motives aside from a dance.

"So do you do this for all the women or just the ones that hate your nemesis?" Thresh's eyes blazed back into existence, the music stopping abruptly as he released her. "What? Do you think I'm not as merciless as you and Hecarim? Just because I don't impale or torture my enemies doesn't mean I don't want them to suffer." Thresh tilted his head, Elise bursting into laughter. "You really believed I could love a mortal?" Now Thresh laughed, the harsh cackle emanating through the ballroom as the ghosts picked up their instruments, the two returning to their dance. As he dipped the spider Thresh leaned into her, his voice dropping to a dangerous whisper.

"To call you a serpent would be an insult to that vile breed. The purifier is mine to destroy and if I must destroy you to secure that right then so be it." Elise smiled as she pushed her bladed limbs into Thresh's back, the latter grunting as the insectiod appendages pierced his chest, Elise purring softly into the side of his skull:

"You can try dear warden, you can try…"

* * *

"Focus Wukong!" The distracted monkey barely dodged the Wuju Swordsman's strike, bending over, his eyes now pointed to the entrance of the Ionian Wing. A few months back someone had convinced the other champions to sell their rooms there and convert the entire wing into a zen garden/ training grounds for all Ionian champs to use. Some champs had been tougher to convince than others (Zed had amassed a small armory in his spare room resulting in a lot of convincing and negotiating) but now none of the champions of Ionia regretted it. As Wukong spun around another slash he noticed the large wooden doors that served as the ornamental entrance to the hall closing as Yi knocked the Monkey King on his ass with the flat of his blade. "What are you looking at that you would risk death to see…" Wu looked confused as Master Yi trailed off the monkey turning his head towards where the Kinkou were practicing. As his eyes scanned the small sand and stone thing (he never really understood that part) he saw Ahri, dressed in what the summoners referred to as her 'popstar' skin (again Wu had no idea what that meant just that it looked amazing).

"Hey Yi! WU!" The wuju master regained some level of composure responding in a voice that made Wukong think he might not all be there.

"Miss Ahri…" The kumiho rushed past Yi to her friend, embracing the Monkey King and planting a kiss on his cheek. Two months ago Wu would have blushed and not thought much of the overly friendly gesture but now he found his eyes searching every tiny shadow for some sign of movement.

"Wu I'm over here." The monkey sighed.

"Sorry… Your boyfriend scares the shit out of me." The kumiho just laughed and sat down on a rock in the karesansui as Yi beckoned Wu back to his practice, the latter interrupted by a metal gauntlet placed firmly on his shoulder.

"Good. And Wu…" Ahri shook her head as the ninja made his way towards Akali and Kennen, the yordle more than happy to hand over the job of Akali's punching bag to Zed (sparring partner but when it came to Akali the green clad kunochi seemed to only have two modes: sedentary and bone shattering).

* * *

_No one fucks with my party! No one! _Thresh stormed through the halls of the Institute of War, his hook spinning at a near cyclonic rate effectively giving the pissed off specter free roam of the normally packed corridors. _And if Spider bitch is planning what I think she is ill need much more than my hook and lantern…Oh yes, much more…_

* * *

Thresh had long considered himself the best-dressed of any champion hailing from the abysmal islands that had spawned him so long ago but that had never stopped the specter from dressing for the occasion. Zed had been more than willing to let him raid the small armory of vuagely illegal weapons the Order of Shadows had been too lazy to remove from neutral territory provided the warden refrain from touching the tank and battle suit as the former required a crew of four and the latter was Far too expensive to trust to a mad man such as Thresh. That and neither could fit through the portals to the Shadow Isles. Instead the eccentric specter had opted for twin shotguns, a cross bow, a few grenades, and a wireless hextech com system along with a black leather variation of his normal trench coat and a pair of epic sunglasses (not that that did anything as the warden had no eyes but it looked very cool) he purchased for the coming battle. As he stood before the doors of his dungeon the warden inhaled deeply (well only as deeply as a ghost can). After spending a few moments musing over something properly awesome to say before kicking down his own door Thresh pumped his first shotgun (the second being automatic and thus far less badass to load). "Hey Spider Bitch…The warden's home." The first undead monster dropped, it's head no longer in existence, before it could even register it's mistress's enemy crashing through he eroded oak doors, Thresh reloading and blasting apart the next monster as it charged, the madman laughing with glee as he blasted his way through the forgotten halls of his estate.

* * *

"Normally these rituals prefer virgins but I suppose you will do purifier…" The Spider Queen had already sacrificed almost all of her followers to the resurrection ritual and now the last component was right here. She dragged a bladed finger across the unconscious marksman's chest. "You, my dear will be Lord Vilemaw's first meal after his resurrection."

"Bitch step away from my nemesis!" Elsie ignored the Chain Warden, instead plunging a ceremonial dagger into the reattached head of Vilemaw, the spider smiling as the hulking spider-beast rose up.

"Feel that Thresh? That is the feeling of a fool about to be crushed by my vengeance! These miserable Islands have taken everything from me and now…now I will have it all!"

"Well shit…" Thresh depressed the small button for the locator function of the coms device as an expertly thrown hook pulled the purifier to relative safety. "Elise my dear it would seem you have made a grave mistake…You brought a spider to a GIANT FUCKING ROBOT FIGHT!" As he finished his small oration the wall exploded behind him, a jet black Phantom II battle suit roaring into the massive room wielding a titanic assault rifle, the Phantom's weapon spitting flames as the machine plowed to a stop, stones flying up around its feet as Vilemaw reared back, the armor of its underside riddled with oozing holes the size of Thresh's gleeful skull. "Excellent timing but I must be going now for you see, my good sir I have a party to attend to and would prefer not to get munched today!" As Vilemaw clashed with the battle suit, the latter drawing a vibro knife as it discarded the empty assault rifle Thresh quickly excused both himself and Lucian with Elise realizing her imminent defeat and scampering off to her own sector of the Islands via instant teleportation enacted by a mage within her following (most likely to plot further vengeance but there was always the possibility of Hecarim or Mordekaiser getting wind of the recent events and kicking the wayward spider's ass far before she could try anything).

* * *

Talon could do this all night. Granted he would much rather be alone with Quinn but dancing in the best-kept ballroom in the Shadow Isles with the ranger nestled against his chest was almost as nice. He was just starting to drift off into the music when the far wall shattered, the massive bulk of Vilemaw crushing the band before skidding across the left side of the room and demolishing the stairs leading to the balcony. The telltale roar of hextech thrusters signified the arrival of the monster's foe, the ebony machine leaping through the hole in the wall and pouncing on the overgrown spider, vibro knife plunging deep into the beast's neck before a quick flick followed by a spray of corrupted ooze found the Phantom II holding up the head of Vilemaw as Thresh clapped slowly from the half-collapsed balcony, the battle suit bowing as it tossed the severed head to the warden, who promptly ordered it nailed above his hearth by two ghosts. As the specters finished their task the Piltoverian made machine's head slid back, a man in a dark grey flight suit with black pads stepping onto the top of the machines chest with practiced precision. "Bravo Zed! But where the hell did you get that thing?" The pilot shrugged, Thresh taking it to mean that, like the tank he had been so disappointed not to use, Zed was unwilling to divulge where he had obtained the state of the art battle suit in front of such a large crowd of summoners and champions. Seeing that the party was no longer a party and determining not to let the spider bitch get away with any sort of satisfaction Thresh immediately ordered ghosts to take up those instruments that still functioned (not a lot considering a giant spider and battle suit had both graced the stage with their massive forms) the makeshift band playing a soft melody as the champions, used to random acts of extreme violence and gore returned to the ball as though a twelve foot tall battle suit had not just crushed half of the castle fighting an equally massive if not slightly larger spider. Talon just shrugged and hugged Quinn slightly closer, Valor (wearing an owl suit) pearching on her shoulder just in case anything else might come barreling through a wall as Zed hopped down from the battle suit's chest to a very irate looking kumiho standing in front of a blue painted Wukong (the Noxian could have sworn the monkey looked almost excited to see the ninja in such perceived trouble with Ahri). Talon was fairly sure that were the Master of Shadows to remove the pilot's helmet he was wearing the crack in the marble tiles of the floor below him would become a small river.

"What the hell was that?" Zed placed a nervous hand behind his neck.

"A lot of button mashing. By the way you look amazing." Ahri reached up, pulling Zed's helmet down to her lips.

"I like the suit…really emphasizes that area." The ninja risked a glance down. He was going to have to talk to Heimer about the flight suit having trouble dealing with Ahri's popstar skin.

**Bet you never saw that one coming, eh RazorC? Not much JaycexKayle though...**


	17. The First Church of Draven

**LucianxElise is not a thing anymore. Whisper, I am, indeed quite scatter brained. As for a pairing with the therapist idk. No promises as of now but i will say that should there be a pairing with Cynthia, Darius is out of the question. For the purposes of this story Darius is in his late thirties to early forties. Draven is about ten years younger than him. Cynthia is in her mid twenties. This was another reason why ZedxSyndra didn't happen (Zed being around 28 [exiled at 16, a few years of wandering, 6 years fighting in Southern Ionia, and around 4 as the Master of the Order of Shadows] and Syndra barely able to legally drink alcohol [by US law anyway, fairly sure Valoran is a bit more relaxed about that] thus Zed sees her as a really obnoxious little sister and even if she was hitting on him would have no idea unless she out right told him) As always please R&amp;R and leave any comments/suggestions in a review. Enjoy!**

He had been walking through the shopping area of the Institute of War when the Glorious Executioner saw it. As soon as Draven laid eyes on the empty building space labeled with a large for sale sign he knew what his purpose in life was and Draven was going to share it with the whole of Valoran.

* * *

Darius was not in a good place right now. Something about carrying Noxus to victory had combined with the cold weather to give him the worst migraine of his life. He would, of course, soldier on but the noxian general reasoned that a short nap before his first match of the day would do him no harm. Just as he was beginning to relax, the darkness of his apartment seeming to melt away the pain all hell broke loose. The sound coming from his door reminded the Hand of Noxus of the assault cannon on a Zaunite warmachine. _If only it was…_ He hauled himself off of his couch, grabbing his axe as he made a path to the door throwing it aside as though it were an extremely annoying enemy. "Yo bro! Remember when you said if Draven wanted something cool really bad you'd help him get it?" _Fuck my miserable life…_

"Yes Draven. I regret it every day." The glorious executioner handed him a sheet of crumpled paper with a line at the bottom.

"Sign there to become a part of history! Draaaven'll just pretend you never said that last part. Oh and I'll need about 500k in gold for the renovations."

"Draven what the hell is all this for?" The younger blood brother grinned, his eyes gleaming with the barely suppressed excitement that had possessed his mind since he had returned from the commercial district.

"The First Church of Draaaven! All of Valoran ought to revel in Draven's glory should it not? I already wrote down the story of the founding in this here holy book." He produced a small volume from his pocket, clearing his throat before opening the stained and crumpled tome. "And so it is written that the great and mighty Draaven was walking throughst the crowd of adoring mortals when he cameth upon an abandoned shop of such size and location as to be seen as wellith for his grand designs. This he then converted with the aid of his far less glorious but still quite ok brother whom lentith the great and noble one much on the way of gold for he knewith of the divinity of the great and esteemed one who speaketh before thee. Thus was the First and most glorious Church of Draven built." Darius was speechless. "I'll take it that after hearing the Completely Unembellished and Truthful Exploits of the Great and Glorious Draaaven you have been brought into Draven's magnificent grace and will lend me the money. Cya Bro!" With that Draven scrawled Darius's name on the bottom of the sheet and bolted for the door barely avoiding the big man's axe. As he collapsed back onto his couch, all thoughts of sleep routed from his mind, the Hand of Noxus sighed, turning his head to the empty hallway.

"Fine! But you're paying me back!"

* * *

Talon examined himself in the mirror, his purple glove scratching tentatively at the 5 o'clock shadow resting on his chin. He looked good. Kat frowned as she flipped through the clothing hanging neatly in her closet. "Talon did you reorganize my closet?"

"Umm…" A dagger across his cheek was more than enough to make Talon dive for cover Kat fuming with rage as he poked his head up from behind his bed.

"No one touches my damn closet! I'll turn you into a little purple pin cushion!" Where was Cassiopeia to drag him on some horrific shopping expedition when he needed her? After living with Quinn for a few months it had only seemed natural to the Noxian to keep everything in good order. He had forgotten though that Kat hated anyone touching anything that was hers "Then I'll gut your sorry ass!" Talon hit the floor as another dagger sailed over the bed. "Won't that be fun Talon?" The distinct poof of Kat's shunpo sent Talon rolling for the window as Kat turned the purple clad assassin's room into a deadly storm of blades, the Du Couteau family's signature death lotus technique exploding from the lithe frame of Kat.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Kat smiled as Talon's shadow wrenched blades from its newly corporeal form , eyes blazing with red flames.

"KAT!" the red head shrunk slightly as Cassiopeia slithered into the demolished room Zed standing behind her with his arms crossed. "For shhhits sssake at least kill a champ from Demacia. Or hell have a crack at Zed just don't kill my favorite brother!" Talon sighed, silently thanking his sister for her excellent timing and cursing her crushing grasp, the lamia hugging him protectively against herself. Zed had taken the opportunity to melt into the shadows in his typical way leaving Talon to the mercy of possibly the most dysfunctional family in the whole of Valoran.

* * *

"I have no idea where you would get that idea." The therapist sighed. Brand was not hard to diagnose, the flame monster repeatedly immolating multiple Institute facilities and her waiting room.

"Brand, you're a textbook pyromaniac. Like Annie level pyromania. However toady I have for you a challenge." Cynthia held out a small orb of true ice encased in a thermal film to protect the wielder's hand from the cold. "You may be a strong mage but I guarantee you that you cannot melt this ice." Brand smirked. Clearly this woman was out of her meager mortal mind. He snatched up the orb and summoned a column of flames in his hand, his infernal eyes widening as the orb lay untouched in his palm, his anger fueling his next blaze, the pyro mage adding his second hand to his third try. The therapist just watched as the midlaner became more and more frustrated finally blasting the orb of ice with all his power and collapsing on her couch, short of breath and looking slightly more solid than before.

"Mark my words, woman! I shall burn this tiny orb of insignificant ice!" As Brand stormed out flames flaring from his hands only to be defeated by the stubborn ice she readjusted her glasses, Fizz sitting down on the slightly charred couch. _That should keep him busy. Now to deal with Fizz's claustrophobia…_

* * *

What had once been an empty room large enough for four sizable shops was now filled with the Institute's internal architecture mages, each one hard at work converting the open space into the most glorious building ever built. In fact by Draven's calculations the completion of the First Church of Draven would increase the Institute of War's awesome factor by about ten million times the original amount. As per the specifications of all preachers of a formal religion the executioner had picked out a distinct outfit to distinguish the Great and Glorious from the lowly masses. _Lowly masses soon to bask in the glory of DRAVEN!_

* * *

Talon's day had been less than appealing, after being rescued from his sister Talon had been dragged on a shopping trip followed by getting kicked around on the rift. Thus he let his Noxian instincts take over for his weary mind and guide the assassin to booze induced bliss. When he stepped into the bar Talon began to question his sanity. All the champions were beyond drunk, most passed out, with those that remained singing completely out of tune to an old drinking song Gangplank was playing on a broken fiddle. Zed and Thresh right in the middle of the insanity the former who almost never got involved in any sort of celebration being paraded about by Yasuo and Thresh who both looked ready to collapse under the ninja's armored weight combined with the clearly ridiculous amounts of alcohol every champ in the bar (except Gragas) was under the influence of. "Hello my good friend!" Talon was too stunned to respond to the specter's jovial greeting. "Our friend of godly arm strength has defeated Tryndamere in a contest of strength! Thus we all get free booze!" Zed turned to Talon holding up his left gauntlet as though to examine his metal sheathed palm.

"Im letht hanthed!" The ninja subsequently collapsed, Thresh laughing manically before following suite. Gragas just shook his head helping Talon to drag the two inebriated champions into a booth (on opposite sides as someone was definitely getting beheaded if Zed woke up anywhere awkward).

"What the hell happened here?" Gragas slid the assassin a drink.

"I told everyone whoever was the best arm wrester would win free booze. Somehow Thresh got Zed involved and as it turns out he's left handed. So since Trynd only really works on his right arm Zed won and Thresh convinced him to put everything for tonight on his tab which is free until…6 a.m. so drink up 'cause it's all on the house." The assassin shrugged. No self-respecting Noxian would refuse free alcohol. "Hey where's Quinn? Shouldn't the lass be tugging at your leash by now?" Talon took a quick swig of his drink before producing a romance novel from the folds of his cloak and flipping to a dog-eared page.

"She's on mission somewhere so I'm stuck with my sisters. Not bad if Kat would stop trying to kill me and Cass would give me some time to myself…It's been a while since I was at the estate." As the assassin swirled his drink Gragas pulled a sheet of paper from behind the counter covered in what looked like runic diagrams labeled in hasty Ionian characters.

"Hmm, well if it would help distract you Zed went full geek mode and drew up this. No idea what it is since he labeled it in Ionian and I don't have my readin' glasses. You get it?" Talon glanced at the sheet his eyes widening as he realized what the ninja had drawn.

"I think its a ritual for banishing ghosts..."

* * *

The dark space had been filled to the bursting point with loyal followers as the proprietor of the space stepped to the room, colored spot lights streaking across the crowd until they landed on the glorious and grand high priest of the church of Draven the crowd eruping into cheers along wiht the music blaring from the latest in hextech sound systems. Draven loved the cheering crowds but he had much to teach about the glory of Draven. He lowered his arms the colored lights switching to white as the crowd settled. Draven pulled the Completely Unembellished and Truthful Exploits of the Great and Glorious Draven from his robes , clearing his throat before addressing his congregation. "The glory of Draven be with you."

"And with you."

"Today a reading from the Exploits of The Glorious On The Rift of Summoners." The whole congregation turned to the section Draven had specified. "And it is written that on the day that was before this one the great Draven was let down by his clearly horrible team. The one known as Riven was fed to the point where even the great power of the glory of Draven was unable to stopith the evil force's attack on the glorious base of Draven." The congregation gasped, Draven wiping tears from his eyes as his followers began a silent meditation on the wisdom imparted to them.


	18. The Trials Of Gnar

**Wow bit late on this chapter. Sorry. Also about the 'more therapist'. Right. I'm on it. This chapter was already half written and I keep getting slammed with projects and essays so I don't have that much free time. Tech crew is over (for now, come musical and I'll be working hard again) though so that should free me up a bit. Thanks to whoever suggested KatxLux (I couldn't find the PM/review T-T) and to GrezzWizard for Nasus. As always please R&amp;R and leave any suggestions in a review/PM me.**

The yordle flipped through the pages of his new favorite book, eyes wide with wonder as he beheld the tales of a legendary hero. The first picture was a masterful drawing of the hero, razor sharp sword and invincible shield in hand, mounted on his trusty steed in glorious combat with the vilest of dragons. As Gnar flipped the page he saw the noble hero rescuing a girl in a long flowing dress from an evil king. Gnar thought she looked a lot like a champion he had seen on bot lane. After that he saw a picture of the hero facing a man in a dark cloak surrounded by darkness and wielding a glowing staff. Gnar would have read more but his mind was suddenly preoccupied with the idea of him wearing armor and holding up a gleaming sword atop a slain dragon with a beautiful princess at his side. "Like the book Gnar?" the yordle sprung from his day dream to face the Curator of the Sands.

"Ahanga wap!" Nasus smiled.

"About time some real learning found its way into the league. This book depicts the trials of a great hero from before the rune wars. If you want you can check it out. Just return it when you are done." Gnar nodded enthusiastically. He too would be a great hero! The first step, the yordle reasoned, was to gather the proper equipment befitting of a great and noble hero of Valoran.

* * *

Her boots pounded into the well-trodden path through the forest, her spectral pursuer keeping perfect pace with the sprinting ranger. Her breathing was getting ragged and irregular, her heart near failing as Quinn dashed onward. A quick glance back only served to heighten her terror as well as throw her off balance, instinct only fast enough to register her fall as the Demacian's foot snagged on a root protruding from the dirt. Just before hitting the ground, the bladed nightmare's umbral visage almost seeming to grin with triumph, her eyes shot open, Quinn lurching up to a sitting position. Valor looked at her, Gold eyes scanning the spartan room before tucking his head under a wing as Talon placed a hand on her shoulder. "You ok?" She smiled curling up beside the assassin who draped an arm over her, pulling her closer.

"Yeah, just Nocturn." _Speak of the devil…_ The nightmarish voice of the afore mentioned champion echoed in Talon's head the assassin cringing slightly as Nocturn spoke. _So sorry to bug you at this hour assassin, but would you mind conveying to the ranger that she left her cylindrical liquid container at the gym yesterday? She did not take kindly to my attempt at communication through dreams…Yeah…Wait why do you go to the gym? _Nocturn paused, Talon imagining him scratching his head with one of his massive blades. _It gives me something to do…Gets a bit depressing though…knowing I can never improve…_The nightmare broke communication leaving the Noxian to get what rest he could before his first match the next day.

* * *

A fluffy lump slipped silently through the darkness, tiny paw searching out the shining silver mask as the its owner rolled over, startling Gnar. The yordle hopped onto the bed occupied by the current owner of his new chestplate, Zed mumbling something about tails and the kumiho lying next to him. Gnar gingerly stepped atop the headboard, a sudden creak bringing the blazing eyes of Zed's shadow to the spot Gnar had previously occupied, the yordle now scampering off with his armor strapped securely to his chest.

* * *

Riven was not someone to shirk morning practice. Saying a quite hello to each of the other Ionian champs with varying responses, Yasou waving back while Kennen bowed low, eliciting a laugh from Akali, Riven began to run through her standard sword drills. Felling a bit hot under her armor after an hour or so of practice the Exile removed her shoulder guard and gauntlet, placing the thick green steel on the ground and sitting down beside it for meditation.

* * *

Gnar was not sure where one might find weapons of the proper size for a yordle hero but he assumed the training areas for each city state would be a reasonable place to look. As he peered into the Ionian area he spotted possibly the perfect item for his invincible shield. Lying on the ground next to the white haired swordswoman was a tiny battle-worn olive green shield. Dashing as fast as he could the yordle snatched up his new weapon and dashed for the door determining not to cause too much of a disruption in gathering his equipment.

* * *

Kat was an impeccable shot with her daggers. Talon was losing this match of darts bad, his aim further worsened by Quinn's taunts (revenge for the assassin making fun of her tendency to get spooked), the Noxian walking towards the wood target in the unaffiliated training area to retrieve his blades. Suddenly Kat tossed another dagger, this one aimed for Talon's rear. The assassin only felt a gust of wind, a fluffy comet intercepting the shot at ludicrous speed, Gnar tumbling and holding up his newly acquired sword to the ceiling, the armored yordle crying triumph before dashing off to find a trusty steed.

* * *

The dark room filled with steel racks holding weapons of various shapes and sizes had seemed an appropriate place for the yordle to search for his steed. As Gnar walked through the halls of blades, guns, and battle machines his eye caught on a shining machine with a black horse painted on the side. Around the emblem were the words 'Piltover 3rd Armored Division: Black Stallions'. Gnar pulled the book Nasus had lent him from his back (he had affixed it with his belt slung over his shoulder) to check that this animal was one that was fit for the use of a noble yordle hero. Satisfied that the pictures matched up Gnar hopped into the open hatch of the tank and began pressing buttons at random, the machine lurching forward every so often until he learned to keep it at a constant speed. Unfortunately for the tank he had not yet learned to stop when the machine barreled through the wall of the Demacian wing.

* * *

As soon as she heard the crash Shyvana smashed through the wall of the Demacian (and thus best) training room. Once satisfied that the prince was in no mortal danger (the half-dragon simply sat on Jarvan for a few minutes) she lifted her maw to the air, searching for the intruder (or Garen. The knight had a habit of knocking things over). As Shy turned the corner a slightly disoriented yordle arrayed in Zed's mask on his chest and a skull covering his face wielding Riven's shoulder guard as a shield and brandishing Kat's knife bumped into her wing. He looked up, and after consulting a large book pulled from his back, shouted at the top of his tiny lungs "Wabbo ahanga!" and began hacking furiously at the dragoness's legs.

Gnar had never fought so hard in his life. The yordle knight scampered up and down the massive form of the evil red dragon slashing, stabbing and hacking at near unheard of speeds until he finally sat down in front of Shyvana and wrenched off the skull that served as his helmet. "Shubbanuffa." The tiny yordle clasped his head in his hands, panting for a bit before replacing his helmet on his sweaty head and raising a shaky blade to Shy who snorted, the blast of hot air knocking Gnar on his tail again.

* * *

The yordle was not sure if he had defeated the dragon. All Gnar remembered was his valiant steed crashing and dislodging its knightly rider, who at length came across such a dragon as warranted the completion of his first epic quest as Knight Protector of the Institute of War. As he opened his tired eyes Gnar pulled his book from his back and began to flip through the pages in search of his next mission. After scanning a few images of his role model in combat with trolls and sea monsters (Gnar determined that the league did not have enough of either for a proper battle) he found the image of the girl in the flowing dress being kidnapped by an evil king, the hero, as was only proper, mounted his valiant steed and set off to rescue her. Lacking his steed (the crash knocked out the tank's tracks) Gnar re-affixed his quest book and set off in search of a pretty lady being captured by an evil king (or something sufficiently close to that).

* * *

"C'mon babe! You know you want this!" Sona shook her head fervently as Draven gestured to himself, the two champs the only appointments left on the therapist's docket after Lux who was apparently taking her time. As Draven leaned closer to the Maven of Strings Sona shut her eyes tight, backing up into a wall. "You can't say no forever babe! Oh wait…you can't say anything!" As the executioner laughed at his highly offensive ( to Sona anyway) joke a certain fluffy knight errant happened to pass by and hearing what could only be described as the laugh of an evil king threw open the door. What greeted Gnar's eyes seemed to have been taken directly from his book. There, laughing manically, was an evil king with a fur coated crown upon his ugly head. Across from the king, eyes shut tight and backed into a corner was the helpless maiden whom he must rescue.

"Ragg!" Disturbed by the sudden battle cry Draven turned the puzzled look on his face turning to wide-eyed terror as a bone boomerang hit him square on the forehead. The knight waddled up to Sona doffing his helmet ( he had seen Cho' Gath perform the gesture when wearing his top hat and assumed it to be the gentlemanly thing to do) after re-affixing his boomerang to his belt and waddled off.

* * *

The therapist wrote a few more 'notes' (scribbles really but it seemed to make people think she actually cared enough to listen to a problem she already knew the answer to) and gave Lux a 'hmm' as the light mage rattled off a problem some champs would express in one sentence over a good ten minutes. "I guess I just feel like she isn't there enough…" The therapist sighed and adjusted her glasses. "It's stupid I know but…" A knock on the door interrupted the Demacian. When the therapist opened the door she found Sona pointing at a snoozing Draven who had collapsed on the floor, and now happened to be sporting a large bump on his glorious forehead.

"Draven… Draven…DRAVEN!" Draven shook himself into consciousness and finding himself in an excellent spot to observe Sona's 'assets' smiled at the two women glaring at him.

"Yo what up Shrinky?"

"Get the hell out of my waiting room! Your appointment is tomorrow!" Fearing a clipboard to the head but abhorring the lost opportunity to attempt to bed Sona Draven opted for a slow stroll out of the room shooting his signature annoying smile to Cynthia who responded with a well-aimed clipboard.

"Ouch!"

"Beat it!" with a sigh she turned back to Lux. "Talk to Kat and your problem will be magically solved. I'm sorry… Draven keeps coming in here to harass poor Sona and Kayle is taking the day off so..."

"It's all good. See you next week! Wait how did you know I was seeing Katarina?"

"Lux, we work at the Institute of War. No one can keep a secret here."

* * *

Veigar rarely ever used the hot springs but when he did…oh it was absolutely perfect! The yordle sorcerer had just finished a relaxing hour in the springs escaping the obnoxious orders of the summoners and Lulu's ridiculous affections and was donning his signature purple robe when a tiny yordle knight waddled into the springs; his eye's peering through the nasal cavities of some massive beast's skull at a book. Determining not to be disturbed by what would surely be a terrible pest to talk to Veigar snatched up his staff and aimed it vaguely in the yordle's direction.

* * *

Gnar was having some trouble with his next quest. Finding a purple clad mage that didn't just pick him up, squeeze him, and proclaim him 'cute' (noble, knightly, or heroic would have been more fitting terms in his mind) was proving more difficult than he had imagined. Adjusting his chestplate and pulling the book that he had based his exploits thus far off of from his back he waddled into the soothing warmth of the hot springs that had been incorporated into the Institute of War's first floor when the site was chosen for the main building. Surrounding the warm pools were the original rock formations that had encased them since the warm water had first bubbled up to the surface. After lengthy inspection the yordle hero found that said rocks very much resembled the lair of the dark wizard from his book. Thus he reasoned, they must house one such wizard. When Gnar raised his eyes from the book in his paws his theory was proven correct, a purple robed yordle wielding a glowing staff glaring at him and gesturing angrily. Gnar smiled, drawing his weapon and addressing his new found foe. "Kada Goova?" Veigar stared his eye twitching dangerously that this ignorant fool would address him with such callous words.

"Do you know who I am? I am Veigar! Master of Evil!" The squeaky voice would have made most inhabitants of Valoran burst into laughter but the yordle knight simply grit his teeth. Here was the ultimate challenge! With a shout Gnar burst into a sprint, his foe startled at first but soon narrowing his blazing yellow eyes and firing a glowing orb of raw destructive energy at the hero. The look on Veigar's face when Gnar simply flipped over the primordial blast was priceless (had anyone seen it), the yordle's shield flying from his outstretched paw as time seemed to slow down, Veigar screaming in a mix of rage and fear just before the Noxian steel slammed home, the splash of the yordle mage falling into the warm water echoing through the hot springs. As Veigar pulled himself, soaking wet and more than angry, from the springs he found the sword wielding yordle pointing his pilfered blade at the grumbling mage who admitted defeat only after repeated smacks on the head with the flat of Katarina's knife.

* * *

Today had been…interesting. Draven had regaled the therapist with the story of the founding and subsequent handing-off of the First Church of Draven (A group of fans had convinced the 'great and glorious' to move the church to Noxus where said fans now ran Draven approved sermons every Tuesday. When asked why Tuesday the executioner had replied 'To brighten the otherwise dreary week! Duh!') She opened the door and found an armor-clad Gnar staring at her, his large brown eyes gleaming with joy. "Hai! ('hi' was one of the few words Gnar had mastered in modern speech) Shubba wabbo wap! Ahanga onna onne."

"Gnar why are you wearing that armor? Wait is that Riven's shoulder plate? And…oh shit… you took Zed's mask? He is going to kill…wait never mind Katarina is going to kill you first! That's her knife!"

"Gnar Knighto!" The yordle produced his book from his back pointing out a picture of the valiant knight that was the book's hero and then gesturing to himself.

"Gnar you have to give all that stuff back! We can have Poppy forge a set all your own but this stuff belongs to the other champs." The yordle frowned removing his equipment before dashing to the therapist's desk and returning with a sheet of paper.

"Wabbo, Gnar kada…"

* * *

_Mental note…Armor piercing rounds suck._ The ninja removed the ruined chestplate from his bloody mess of a shirt. Soraka was going to bug him about his scars again and Akali was never going to let him live down getting shot by an amateur thug with a high caliber sniper rifle. Luckily the moron had aimed too far to the left or he wouldn't be alive now. Zed couldn't say the same for his target. The gang boss had met his doom at the pointy end of Zed's blades. _Some day you're going to get shot somewhere important…_ He ignored his shadow, removing his shirt and placing the boss's head on his kitchen counter. _What am I going to say when Ahri asks what that red stain is?_ A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, the ninja wrapping the wound in a temporary bandage made of his shirt and secured with his belt before answering.

"Gnar sahwee…" Zed just stared, Gnar producing a slightly charred and horribly dented silver mask that was lacking both lenses from his pack. Zed smiled tapping his new mask (which he was wearing) and pushing the old one back into Gnar's hands.

"All yours little guy." Cynthia looked shocked, the ninja laughing and sinking into his shadow to get the hole in his side fixed.

"Wabbo?" The yordle held up his sword, dulled beyond reasonable use and bent in a few places.

"Yeah… We'll have Talon give Kat her knife… So that leaves Riven."

* * *

Gnar looked at the wall of his house, a small pile of red dye sitting on the stone floor beside him in a clay pot (the yordle's apartment had been specially designed to look like his cave from before he was frozen in true ice). Already the occupant had decorated the walls with small paintings of various scenes from the Institute of War. As he dipped his paw in the dye and began to paint, splattering a large amount of the traditional medium on the wall and spreading it into the design he desired, he took a moment to contemplate what about this day he should memorialize. Satisfied with his choice the yordle got to work, spreading the red color across the stone until he had finished his drawing. Nodding at the small image of a yordle wielding sword and shield, shrouded in shining armor of the noblest kind the yordle could only think of one thing to say. "Gnar knighto!"

**Cause who didn't want be a knight as a little kid? Completely unrelated bu this is the longest chapter yet.**


	19. Re-write?

**It has been a really long time since I updated this and it still is getting the most view out of everything I write. How I have no idea. As this is the case and since I stopped because I was too lazy to do a re-write of some stuff i decided was not to my liking if enough people continue to view/follow/favorite LoL Therapy I will do a re-write.**

**Your friendly neighborhood writer,**

**Orbital**


End file.
